With the season finale of the weirdest show on TV finally aired, we here at CCD thought you may need a little visual guide to help you understand how everyone relates to each other. So the gang came up with this handy dandy American Horror Story Infographic to help out just a bit. Consider it an early christmas present from us here at CCD to all of you. Click after the jump to see the full chart...
Well aren’t you sandworms in for a treat this week!
A few of my favorite films came out this month, 30 years ago.And watching these trailers have set my geek panties on fire.Surely, they will do the same for you.
History of the World Part I – June 12th, 1981
Starring Mel Brooks, Gregory Hines, Dom DeLuise
Directed by Mel Brooks
Does anyone know why there was never a part II?Do ya?DO YA?
Despite the 20 seconds of silence at first, which makes me suspect for a moment that I have a slight hearing problem and causes me to crank the volume a liiiittle too loud, the trailer is filled with action!Suspense!Adventure! And wonder for the imagination!But seriously, who are these bad guys again?Yes yes, we KNOW by now who they are because we’ve seen this movie countless times, but really….they just seem to serve no purpose other than pure SABOTAGE.Like snakes!Indy haaates snakes.
Clash of the Titans – June 12th, 1981
Starring Laurence Oliver, Harry Hamlin, Claire Bloom, Maggie Smith
Directed by Desmond Davis
Let me tell you why I think this trailer and movie still kicks ass to this day.Forget that overpriced shitty remake that you watched recently.I’ll take that freakishly creepy stop action medusa over that giant, unrealistic, phony ass kraken from the 2010 version any day.The graphics in this 1981 feature are dope!That’s right!And you know,CGI really stands for “Cartoon-like Garbage Imitation” anyway.The more realistic they try to make things these days, the more silly they come off.Most of the time anyway.OK fine, usually once a year.For the last three years.Around the 4th of July.Yea.I’m talkin’ to YOU, Michael Bay.
Oh hello.What’s this? What do we have here, you ask? Another installment of Trailer Trash Talkin’?FROM 1981 YOU SAY?!Well burn my clothes….
Now, the issue I seem to have with trailers from the 80s is that they’re put together in such a way; it’s like completing a really shitty puzzle.After you finish it, you have no idea what to make of it.There’s just no god damn reward.For example, watch this doozy starring a handsome Dennis Quaid, a young Kristy McNichol (Best known, in my mind, as Barbara from the 80s TV show Empty Nest) and Luke Skywalker…..er, um… I mean Mark Hamill.
The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – June 5th, 1981
Starring Dennis Quaid, Kristy McNichol, Mark Hamill
Directed by Ronald F. Maxwell (known for crap, according to IMDB).
“He’s got the talent.She’s got the brains.Together, they’re one mean team.”
That’s nice.That could mean anything.He probably sings the best songs about loving guys!Yea!And she probably has the best brains when it comes to givin’ discounted lap dances at the local doohickey!Alright! Hey, maybe I’d see that movie instead….
The film’s title apparently has been lifted from a 1972 hit song, which isn’t even featured in the film.It was actually rewritten and re-recorded instead.A useless fact for all you sharp tacks out there….
Moving on….released that same week was another installment from some classic stoners….yep you guessed it (yea, probably not)….Cheech & Chong!
Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams – June 5th, 1981
Starring Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, & Sandra Bernhard?Listed as “Girl Nut”ß Haha!
Directed by Tommy Chong
This trailer is more of a TV spot preview.Couldn’t find an actual theatrical trailer.But still, if I was 30 in 1981 (and how I wish I was)….and I saw this on my TV….I wouldn’t know what to make of it.I mean really!What’s going on here?Do YOU know? Really?!Yes, really.
And that’s that.Do you remember any of these films?How do you think they would fair in today’s box office?Let us hear your rambles!Praise be to Jesus!And all of those born in the glorious year of 1981.
So in case you missed it last week, CCD is allowing me to introduce you to the good, the bad, and the god awful movie trailers of 1981.Every week we’ll go back in time and see what was playing in theaters 30 years ago.My, my how times have changed.Or….haaaave they?Have you SEEN the disgraceful remakes that have been announced lately?
Now get a load’a these gems that were released this week in 1981…
There’s some chatter that this movie is set to be remade this year.How surprising.I’ve never seen this film.And now I want to….before a shitty remake is made.Hello, Netflix Queue!
Check out some of these taglines too:
“On Jupiter’s moon, something deadly is happening.”- (Is that so…)
“Even in space, the ultimate enemy is man.” - (When I looked quick, I swear it said “enema”).
“On lo, one of Jupiter’s moons, Sean Connery is the law.”
Now… replace Sean Connery with……Channing Tatum!(Gross).
Bustin’ Loose – May 22nd, 1981
Starring Richard Pryor, Cicely Tyson
Directed by Oz Scott
The trailer quality is terrible but it was the only one available.Please forgive me.And YouTube.
While you’re at it, forgive Richard Pryor.This film looks like pure crap.
The Four Seasons – May 22nd, 1981
Starring Alan Alda, Carol Burnett
Directed by Alan Alda
This film got a rating of 7 out of 10 stars on IMDB.Let’s go to the video tape….
Surprisingly, I enjoyed this trailer.If this movie was (re)made today, it’d probably be casted with young, attractive people and would include awful cheesy antics as an attempt to be cute and relatable.(Katherine Heigl anyone?)
And that’s that.Do you remember any of these films?How do you think they would do in today’s box office?Let us know!And God bless all….who were born…in 1981.
