Trailer Trash Talkin: 1981 or Bust!!! by Kristen Grillo

Well aren’t you sandworms in for a treat this week!

A few of my favorite films came out this month, 30 years ago.  And watching these trailers have set my geek panties on fire.  Surely, they will do the same for you.

History of the World Part I – June 12^th, 1981

Starring Mel Brooks, Gregory Hines, Dom DeLuise

Directed by Mel Brooks

Does anyone know why there was never a part II?  Do ya?  DO YA?

(don’t go & google it either. ya turd.)

Raiders Of The Lost Ark – June 12^th, 1981

Starring Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Paul Freeman

Directed by Steven Spielberg

“Jones, do you realize what the ark IS?!”

“Ba-pa-dumpa!  Ba-pa-dummmm….Ba-pa-DUMPA!  Ba-pa-dum-Dum-DUM…..”

Despite the 20 seconds of silence at first, which makes me suspect for a moment that I have a slight hearing problem and causes me to crank the volume a liiiittle too loud, the trailer is filled with action!  Suspense!  Adventure! And wonder for the imagination!  But seriously, who are these bad guys again?   Yes yes, we KNOW by now who they are because we’ve seen this movie countless times, but really….they just seem to serve no purpose other than pure SABOTAGE.  Like snakes!  Indy haaates snakes.

Clash of the Titans – June 12^th, 1981

Starring Laurence Oliver, Harry Hamlin, Claire Bloom, Maggie Smith

Directed by Desmond Davis

 

Let me tell you why I think this trailer and movie still kicks ass to this day.  Forget that overpriced shitty remake that you watched recently.  I’ll take that freakishly creepy stop action medusa over that giant, unrealistic, phony ass kraken from the 2010 version any day.  The graphics in this 1981 feature are dope!  That’s right!  And you know,  CGI really stands for “Cartoon-like Garbage Imitation” anyway.  The more realistic they try to make things these days, the more silly they come off.  Most of the time anyway.  OK fine, usually once a year.  For the last three years.  Around the 4^th of July.  Yea.  I’m talkin’ to YOU, Michael Bay. 

Thumbs up for The Clash!

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust by Kristen Grillo

Oh hello.  What’s this?  What do we have here, you ask?  Another installment of Trailer Trash Talkin’?  FROM 1981 YOU SAY?!   Well burn my clothes….

Now, the issue I seem to have with trailers from the 80s is that they’re put together in such a way; it’s like completing a really shitty puzzle.  After you finish it, you have no idea what to make of it.  There’s just no god damn reward.  For example, watch this doozy starring a handsome Dennis Quaid, a young Kristy McNichol (Best known, in my mind, as Barbara from the 80s TV show Empty Nest) and Luke Skywalker…..er, um… I mean Mark Hamill.

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – June 5^th, 1981

Starring Dennis Quaid, Kristy McNichol, Mark Hamill

Directed by Ronald F. Maxwell (known for crap, according to IMDB).

“He’s got the talent.  She’s got the brains.  Together, they’re one mean team.”

That’s nice.  That could mean anything.  He probably sings the best songs about loving guys!  Yea!  And she probably has the best brains when it comes to givin’ discounted lap dances at the local doohickey!  Alright!  Hey, maybe I’d see that movie instead….

The film’s title apparently has been lifted from a 1972 hit song, which isn’t even featured in the film.  It was actually rewritten and re-recorded instead.  A useless fact for all you sharp tacks out there….

 Moving on….released that same week was another installment from some classic stoners….yep you guessed it (yea, probably not)….Cheech & Chong!

Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams – June 5^th, 1981

Starring Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, & Sandra Bernhard?  Listed as “Girl Nut”  ß Haha!

Directed by Tommy Chong

This trailer is more of a TV spot preview.  Couldn’t find an actual theatrical trailer.  But still, if I was 30 in 1981 (and how I wish I was)….and I saw this on my TV….I wouldn’t know what to make of it.  I mean really!  What’s going on here?  Do YOU know? Really?!  Yes, really. 

And that’s that.  Do you remember any of these films?  How do you think they would fair in today’s box office?  Let us hear your rambles!  Praise be to Jesus!  And all of those born in the glorious year of 1981.

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust by Kristen Grillo

Trailer Trash Talkin’: 1981 Or Bust!

So in case you missed it last week, CCD is allowing me to introduce you to the good, the bad, and the god awful movie trailers of 1981.  Every week we’ll go back in time and see what was playing in theaters 30 years ago.  My, my how times have changed.  Or….haaaave they?  Have you SEEN the disgraceful remakes that have been announced lately?

Now get a load’a these gems that were released this week in 1981…

Outland – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Sean Connery, Peter Boyle, Frances Sternhagen

Directed by Peter Hyams

There’s some chatter that this movie is set to be remade this year.  How surprising.  I’ve never seen this film.  And now I want to….before a shitty remake is made.  Hello, Netflix Queue!

Check out some of these taglines too:

1. “On Jupiter’s moon, something deadly is happening.”  - (Is that so…)
2. “Even in space, the ultimate enemy is man.”  - (When I looked quick, I swear it said “enema”).
3. “On lo, one of Jupiter’s moons, Sean Connery is the law.” 

Now… replace Sean Connery with……Channing Tatum!  (Gross).

Bustin’ Loose – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Richard Pryor, Cicely Tyson

Directed by Oz Scott

The trailer quality is terrible but it was the only one available.  Please forgive me.  And YouTube.

While you’re at it, forgive Richard Pryor.  This film looks like pure crap.

The Four Seasons – May 22^nd, 1981

Starring Alan Alda, Carol Burnett

Directed by Alan Alda

This film got a rating of 7 out of 10 stars on IMDB.  Let’s go to the video tape….

Surprisingly, I enjoyed this trailer.  If this movie was (re)made today, it’d probably be casted with young, attractive people and would include awful cheesy antics as an attempt to be cute and relatable.  (Katherine Heigl anyone?) 

And that’s that.  Do you remember any of these films?  How do you think they would do in today’s box office?  Let us know!  And God bless all….who were born…in 1981.

Trailer Trash Talkin': 1981 or Bust! by Kristen Grillo

Thirty Years Ago…..in a wormhole far, far away… Thirty years ago, my mother had the greatest gift she was ever going to receive in her life… percolating inside her belly. If you guessed indigestion……well you’re WRONG! I’m talkin’ about ME!

That’s right friends. This old broad will be turning 30 in August. With that, an interesting thought had come to mind. I wondered, “What movies were coming out RIGHT NOW but thirty years ago right now”? Sure you have some great classics like Escape From New York and Raiders of The Lost Ark, etc. But forget about the good for a second. What about the bad and the ugly? So, I decided to start looking up trailers of all sorts of films from thirty years ago. Movies I’ve seen but never really saw the trailer (because you know, at this time thirty years ago, I didn’t have eyes yet) or even trailers of films I never even heard of. The search has been pretty interesting.

Since we’re already into the 5th month here, I figured I’d start off with trailers of films that were released during the week of May15th, 1981 and then after the fun stuff, I’ll have a list of honorable mentions of films that were released from January – April. Cause after all, there were twelve months in 1981. Do you remember?…..

Take This Job And Shove it – May 15th, 1981
Starring Robert Hayes, Barbara Hershey

Kinda sounds like what I want to tell my job right now… The trailer is quite unclear but….you’ll get the idea.


I’ve never seen this film. By the looks of the trailer, there doesn’t look like much of a plot. These people just want the day off!

Happy Birthday To Me – May 15th, 1981
Starring Melissa Sue Anderson, Glenn Ford, Tracy E. Bregman

A great classic!



My favorite part is when the cake gets the ax! Imagine if they remade this movie now? It’d be god awful! ::cough cough:: Fright Night ::

And that’s that. So, have you seen either of these films? Let us know! And God bless all….who were born…in 1981. J

Honorable Mentions:
January 1981

January, 1 Scanners
January, 1 My Dinner With Andre (1981)
January, 1 Death Hunt
Jaunary, 1 Fort Apache, The Bronx
January, 1 The Private Eyes
January, 1 Roar
January, 1 The Devil and Max Devlin
January, 30 The Incredible Shrinking Woman

February 1981

February, 11 Sphinx
February, 11 Le dernier métro
February, 13 Sunday Lovers
February, 13 The Dogs of War
February, 13 Eyewitness
February, 13 American Pop
March 1981

March, 6 All Night Long
March, 6 On the Right Track
March, 13 The Funhouse
March, 13 Modern Romance
March, 13 Back Roads
March, 15 Confidence (1981)
March, 20 The Final Conflict
March, 20 Amy
March, 20 Kelly
March, 20 Cutter's Way
March, 20 The Postman Always Rings Twice
March, 27 Thief
March, 27 Eyes of a Stranger

April 1981


April, 10 This is Elvis
April, 10 From Mao to Mozart
April, 10 The Howling
April, 10 Going Ape!
April, 10 Excalibur
April, 10 Nighthawks
April, 17 Improper Channels
April, 17 Caveman
April, 24 Beyond the Reef
April, 24 Cattle Annie and Little Britches
April, 24 The Hand
April, 24 Second-Hand Hearts
April, 30 Friday the 13th Part 2