Takin You Back… Way Back: Spiral Zone by Joe Esq

Well, well, well, what have we here? Another installment of my award winning (in my head) column, Taking You Back… Way Back. That’s right kids; I’m thawed out of carbon freeze, and ready to drop some more obscure 80’s toy knowledge on your heads. This time around I’m tackling Tonka’s 1987 foray into the boy’s action figure market, Spiral Zone. Ride into the Zone with me, after the jump…

Takin You Back... Way Back!!! by Joe Esq

Yo CCDers! Your boy JoeyEsq is back with more obscure 80's toy goodness! Now everyone remain calm, your eyes are not deceiving you, this really is the second "Takin You Back..." in as many weeks. I have no real explanation for this sudden burst of creativity and inspiration, but lets not question it too much and just enjoy the ride. Ok? Great!

Takin You Back... Way Back!!!

Hey kids, I know its been awhile, but I'm finally back with another installment of "Takin You Back… Way Back", the column where I take an in-depth look at some of the more obscure and forgotten toy lines of the 1980's.

Today's topic of reminiscent rumination is a toy line called The Inhumanoids. Released by Hasbro in 1986, The Inhumanoids were subterranean creatures who wanted to (what else?) destroy mankind and take over the world. They were opposed by a group of heroic scientists called Earth Corps lead by Herc Armstrong (whose parents must have known he was going to be a monster-fighting hero-scientist, since they named him that). Weird that this series is named The Inhumanoids and not Earth Corps; I can't think of another toy/cartoon series that's named after the villains.

JoeyESQ's Ode To Toys

What's up CCD Fam, JoeyEsq here. Now most of you know me from my "Takin You Way Back" columns where I highlight various forgotten and under appreciated toys from that great decade, the 1980's. If you don't know, that's where I bring you up to speed on some of the more obscure, lesser known and less successful toylines that came out during my youth. Now when I write those columns I absolutely do some research, and Google Images and YouTube are phenomenal in the visual aide department, but in every article, at least some of (if not all) of what I write is from memory. That got me thinking, I have a lot of really fond, really vivid memories involving toys. Probably way more than a 33 year old attorney should admit to having. But whatever, thoughts of my old toys always bring a warm feeling to my heart,  so I thought I'd share some of those thoughts and warm feelings with you.

Takin You Back... Way Back: Bionic Six

Greetings earthlings! So, since I suffered a nice neck and back injury at the gym a few days ago, I stayed home from work a few days and had some time to write! That’s right, I’ve now written two articles in less than a month! This will probably never happen again! I can probably retire now! Anyway, I’m back with another installment of Takin You Back… Way Back; the column where I highlight some of the awesome forgotten toy lines from the greatest decade in the history of the known universe, the 1980’s! Today’s topic is one I've been saving for awhile so I could give it the attention it deserved: The Bionic Six!

**Click after the jump to read more!**

Takin You Back... Way Back: All Horror Week Edition

Hi kids! I’ve come out of retirement (from my laziness and lack of motivation) to bring you a special Halloween edition of Takin’ You Back… Way Back! Before we get into today’s featured forgotten 80’s toy line, I want to talk about Halloween for a quick minute. Halloween was never my favorite holiday, but looking back it definitely holds a special place in my heart. See, I was a spoiled kid. Like real spoiled. I mean, my parents occasionally told me no, which meant there were some months I didn’t get to go to Toys R Us. Or, there would have been if I didn’t have four grandparents for whom the word “no” simply didn’t exist when it came to the wants of their first-born grandson. Click after the jump to read more...

Takin' You Back... Way Back Vol. 4 by Joe Esq

Hiya kids, it’s time for another installment of Takin’ You Back… Way Back with your humble host, The Deity of All Things 80’s, JoeyEsq (I’m gonna get that nickname over or die trying). Anyway, I had a theme in the last article (which you can see here) and that got a nice bit of conversation going, so I decided to do a theme in this one too. Only this time around I’m gonna talk about a bunch of toys that happen to be my personal favorites. With the exception of the first entry, the four toy lines I’m gonna talk about today have a special place in the heart of my inner child for one reason or another, which I will discuss below. So don’t just sit there, hit that jump break and check it out!

GOLDEN GIRL AND THE GUARDIANS OF THE GEMSTONES (Galoob, 1985): This line of toys is the exception to today’s theme, but I’m including it because I had actually researched it for the last article, see I was always under the assumption that Golden Girl was just a cheap attempt by Galoob to cash in on She-Ra’s popularity. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I found out that Golden Girl actually beat She-Ra to the toy store shelves by something like 8 months. This toy line was an attempt by Galoob to cash in on the elusive (and some argue non-existent) girl’s action figure market. For some reason I was also under the impression that Golden Girl started out as a proposal for a toy line based on Wonder Woman, but as it turns out I was wrong there too (I was thinking of something else, which turned out to be an unproduced toy line from the early 90’s). Which just goes to show that my memory for obscure 80’s girl’s toys is not as detailed or comprehensive as it is for the boys stuff… which is probably a very good thing.

***Please click Read more below to see the rest of Takin It Back... Way Back***

Taking It Back... Way Back Vol #3 by Joe Esq

Hiya kids! Your boy JoeyEsq is here with Volume 3 of “Takin It Back… Way Back”, the article where I highlight for you some of the forgotten toy lines of that most magical of decades, the 1980’s! Unlike the previous two articles (which you can check out here and here) today’s has a theme – He-Man knockoffs. Now with the exception of maybe Star Wars, He-Man was probably the most important and influential toy line of the 80’s, and I’m not only saying that because both properties were copiously ripped off by less creative minds in the toy industry.

Back in the 60’s and 70’s the FCC had all kinds of rules in place about the amount of advertising that could be run during children’s programming. Why this was any of the government’s business in the first place I’ll never understand, but the bottom line was you couldn’t use kid’s programming to try to sell stuff to kids. ABC and Mattel found this out the hard way in 1968 when the FCC decided that the Saturday morning cartoon Hot Wheels was just an extended commercial for the toy cars (never mind that the show was about a racing team and specific cars were never actually featured).

***Please click Read more below to see more of Joe Esq. "Takin' It Back... Vol#3"***

Takin' It Back... Way Back!!! With Joey Esq

Hey kids, its time for another installment of Takin’ it Back... Way, Back with your Deity of all things 80’s, JoeyESQ (that’s me). Which means its time once again to talk about more of the forgotten toy lines of that particular decade. As I discussed last time , I’ve always felt that the 80’s were the “golden age” of boys toys, especially compared today when everything on the Toys R Us shelves is unoriginal, derivative, uninspired and boring. Speaking of which, remember when TRU was set up like a real store, and not some OCD obstacle course? I miss aisle 7C. Anyway, let’s get started...

THE SAGA OF CRYSTAR: Released by Remco in late 1982, Crystar, along with Mantech (which I discussed in the last article) were among the first action figures I can remember owning. I have semi-vivid half memories of Christmas 1982 and being almost 4 years old and getting a bunch of Crystar stuff that year. The entire line consisted of only 7 figures, a few vehicles and a playset. Looking at pictures on the ‘net the only ones I didn’t have were the Crystal Dragon, the Castle and the two Shatterpults (which is a cool fuckin name for a vehicle, I must say). I still have the Lava Dragon in fact, as it ended up in my He-Man box long after the Crystar toys were lost or thrown away. Now that I think about it, that might be the toy I’ve owned longer than any other.

Unfortunately, just like Mantech, Crystar didn’t have a cartoon or movie to support it, and just like Mantech it was crushed by the absolute dominance of Star Wars and He-Man, and there was never a second wave of figures beyond the initial release. Marvel Comics did release a 12 issue mini-series, and from what I read about it, the storyline did seem pretty original. I couldn’t even find anything Crystar related on Youtube (I KNOW there was a commercial because I can still hear it in my head), which definitely speaks to how obscure Crystar really is, because lets face it, EVERYTHING is on Youtube.

***Please click "Read more" below to read the rest of Joe Esq's Takin' It Back... Way Back***