Toys That Probably Should Not Exist by Joey Esq

Hello CCD-ites! It's been awhile, but your boy JoeyEsq is back with another article about 80's toys to cure your Cultural Compulsive Disorder... if your particular disorder has to do with 80's toys that is. Now normally I write a feature here called "Takin' You Back... Way Back" in which I illuminate you on a forgotten yet totally awesome toy line from the 1980's, but in this one I'm taking a bit of a different approach. Today I'm focusing on a topic that has kinda fascinated me since I was young - toys based on movies that were totally not for kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking any of the movies below. In fact I love most of them. It's just kind of bizarre how many toy properties there are out there that were based on something no child had any business seeing. Check 'em out after the jump!

Takin' You Back... Way Back Vol. 4 by Joe Esq

Hiya kids, it’s time for another installment of Takin’ You Back… Way Back with your humble host, The Deity of All Things 80’s, JoeyEsq (I’m gonna get that nickname over or die trying). Anyway, I had a theme in the last article (which you can see here) and that got a nice bit of conversation going, so I decided to do a theme in this one too. Only this time around I’m gonna talk about a bunch of toys that happen to be my personal favorites. With the exception of the first entry, the four toy lines I’m gonna talk about today have a special place in the heart of my inner child for one reason or another, which I will discuss below. So don’t just sit there, hit that jump break and check it out!

GOLDEN GIRL AND THE GUARDIANS OF THE GEMSTONES (Galoob, 1985): This line of toys is the exception to today’s theme, but I’m including it because I had actually researched it for the last article, see I was always under the assumption that Golden Girl was just a cheap attempt by Galoob to cash in on She-Ra’s popularity. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I found out that Golden Girl actually beat She-Ra to the toy store shelves by something like 8 months. This toy line was an attempt by Galoob to cash in on the elusive (and some argue non-existent) girl’s action figure market. For some reason I was also under the impression that Golden Girl started out as a proposal for a toy line based on Wonder Woman, but as it turns out I was wrong there too (I was thinking of something else, which turned out to be an unproduced toy line from the early 90’s). Which just goes to show that my memory for obscure 80’s girl’s toys is not as detailed or comprehensive as it is for the boys stuff… which is probably a very good thing.

***Please click Read more below to see the rest of Takin It Back... Way Back***

Tommy Lombardozzi Draws An Obscure-ish 80's Toy - Vol#1

Whattup, kids?! I know I haven't been around much lately, and for that I apologize. To the two of you that missed me, well, I missed you too.

My art over the last few months hasn't much been in line with the more pop-oriented, pop culture stuff I was doing for C.C.D. up towards last Summer. Also, I spent the last month or two working on my website, where I am finally selling prints of my stuff. Very happy about that.

Anyway, enough excuses. Let's get right into things.

I had the idea recently that I wanted to do some drawings of stuff I grew up with in the '80s. Basically, toys I loved back then. But not He-Man or GI Joe or Thundercats... all the stuff that saturates blogs and pop-culture sites ad nauseam (actually, that stuff doesn't make me nauseous. I like it. But, I wanted to cover less treaded ground.)

So, for the next few weeks, I will present to you, my adoring fans (did anyone besides Mr. Mike D. even know I was gone?! Ha!), an OBSCURE-ISH '80s TOY a week!

This week, it is 'CRYSTAR: CRYSTAL WARRIOR'!

These were really cool toys. I won't go into the history of this toy like, that's Joe Armao's job, but I dug 'em, and if you played with them as well, you'll dig this!

This is done in marker.

I hope you've enjoyed this week's '80s toy done up TL-style! Who/what will be featured next time, you ask... ? Well, you'll just have to come back and see, won't you?

Until next week, C.C.Degenerates...

Smile up!
~TL

PS. ***Click here to go to my website and buy something because I need money for whiskey.***