On Saturday night, Tara, Jeff, Brianna and myself ventured into Manhattan to catch a midnight movie. Some of the theaters in the city show special screenings of cult classic movies at midnight on Friday and Saturday. This week Sunshine Cinemas decided to show the much maligned Cannibal Holocaust, and Italian horror movie that is considered to be one of the sickest films ever committed to celluoid. The scenes of death and dismemberment were so lifelike that the director, Ruggero Deodato, was actually arrested and charged with murdering his actors on the set. This really happened... no bullshit. He was later aquitted when he brought the supposedly dead actors to court to testify on his behalf, but the prosecution was still appalled by the film. The charges were dropped but new charges of animal cruelty were filed in its place. All in all, the court circus took over three years to sort out. But that doesn't do jack shit to explain just how sick this movie is. And that brings me to a serious thought...
Just who the fuck are the sick bastards who think this shit up??? I am a huge horror fan, and usually the sicker the scenes the more I enjoy it. I was watching movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I Spit On Your Grave while most kids my age were still getting their Carebears on. Directors like Tobe Hooper and Sam Raimi are what got me through my childhood, guiding me with their sick world perspectives. Yet as crazy as these guys are, did anyone ever stop to think: How fucked up must these maniacs be to write this crazy shit??? I have ponder this thought many times, but after viewing Cannibal Holocaust I am truly scared to admit that there has to be something REALLY, REALLY wrong with Ruggero Deodato. Why you ask??? Oh, let me count the ways. Here is my top 5 reasons why:
1 - Amount of times a empolyee at the movie theater told me I was crazy for seeing a screening of a movie. You know something is wrong when the cinema buff behind the counter complements you on your Death Proof T-Shirt, professes his love for Tarantino/Rodriguez's Grindhouse double feature as the best movie of the last decade, then gags when you ask him about Cannibal Holocaust. He gagged, looked away, and told me I was better then him cause he would never see such sick shit. Great start.
2- The amount of times I actually almost vomitted during the film. When they cut open a Sea Turtle, remove the shell, and proceded to eat the stomach linings, I almost lost my MacBar Mac n Cheese. Then, when the camera crew proceeded to run a train on a native chick in the mud, I actually got sick to my stomach. I have seen simulated rape scenes... that is not what this was. If these guys were professional actors, they were at least semi-professional rapists. Really disturbing.
3 - Amount of rapes that take place in this movie. But here is the kicker... not one straight up rape scene. No, that would be to boring... a sick fuck like Deodato couldn't be so passe. So we instead get blessed with these gems. First, a native chick gets raped with a rock dildo by a native warrior...till her Vag bleeds. Then he makes a mud ball, adds broken bone fragments to it, then sticks that inside the girl. True story. Then we get the aforementioned camera crew rape scene... not much more to say on that one. But for his piece de resistance, Deodato has saved the best for last. The natives turn the tables on the camera crew, and once they get ahold of the female member of the crew they gang rape the shit out of her, the rip her apart and eat her. Stay Classy, San Diego....
4 - Amount of hours I was up for this morning before Tara would speak to me. 4 Fucking Hours... she was really pissed at me. She actually started to cry after we got in the car, and told me she was so fucking mad at me she could smack me. She also told me that if I ever brought the movie up to her in conversation, she would stab me. Needless to say, she is not a huge fan of Deodato or Italian Cannibal flicks.
5 - Actual wild animals that get butchered on camera. First, as Jeff would say, a mouserat (muskrat) get a switchblade to the throat. Then the sea turtle... not even gonna think about that one again. Then a monkey get his head chopped off, Temple of Doom style. Then a snake gets machetted after it bites the tour guides foot. To finish of the animal cruelty portion of the film, a piglet gets shot in the face while tied to a stake.
So, that brings me to my question. Just how sick can a guy like Deodato really be??? If he filmed these crazy ass scenes, all these rape and animal abuse filled scenes, without falling over and puking his brains out, then what does that say about him. My guess is that his middle name is Lucifer and he is a demon incarnate... but even that doesn't do this crazy fuck justice. You know your fucked up when Stephen King is used as example as someone who is not as crazy as you... Stephen King is fucking shot!!! Yet, if you ask me, he is a choir boy compared to Deodato. Deodato was supposed to be at the film last night, and I was psyched to meet him. But thank god he wasn't there, cause Tara might have took a stantion and smacked him with upside the head with it for mind-raping her. It would have been ugly.
Whats the sickest movie you ever saw??? What repulsed you the most??? Leave a comment... can't wait to here what you guys have to say. oh, and PS - Never watch Cannibal Holocaust if you wanna maintain your innocence... ever... ever!!!
Yesterday I decided to push my already twisted perspective on what is to terrible to watch for normal people to an all time new low, even for me. You see, lets just say that I have a history of watching/exposing others to seriously demented movies. You want examples... OK. I'm the guy who was 7 years old and renting EVERY SINGLE HORROR title in the mom & pop video shop on 110 st & Liberty Avenue because the teens who worked there would rent anything to anybody as long as there were no adults around. I'm also the guy who took his very normal girlfriend on a date to see a midnight screening of 'Cannibal Holocaust',which resulted in her crying in the car and almost breaking up with me. I'm even the guy had his 2 year old son in a highchair watching rare Fulci & Argento DVD's because I figured he wouldn't remember them (he does... and now he is a horror fanatic like I was at his age). I am a deviant when it comes to watching films. Yet when I sat down yesterday for a double feature of The Human Centipede 2 & A Serbian Film, I had no way to take into account for what was about to happen to me. Let's just say I am changed... changed forever. And not in a good way... not at all.
