5 Reasons To Watch 'Alcatraz' This January

We are reaching the point in that fall TV schedule when shows go on mid-season hiatus and networks bring in mid-season replacements for shows that under performed (only 3 episodes for Charlies Angels & Playboy Club... really???). One of the most anticipated mid-season additions is 'Alcatraz', the new show from uber genius JJ Abrams. The first official teaser trailer (30 seconds... C'MON!!!) has leaked and it has piqued my interest... so here are 5 reasons why I think you should give the show a shot come January. Click after the jump for the list and an embedded version of the trailer...

5 Reasons X-Men: First Class May Be The Best X-Movie Ever...

L to R: Banshee, Magneto, Mystique, Moira MacTaggert, Beast, Professor X, and Havok

I have been mildly looking forward to Matthew Vaughn's 'X-Men:First Class'. I loved 'Kick Ass', and 'Layer Cake' is one of my favorite movies ever. EVER. This is the guy who jump started the illustrious career of Guy Ritchie as his producer on 'Lock Stock..' and 'Snatch', and helped Daniel Craig become the leading man that would become James Bond (you really have to see 'Layer Cake', it is phenomenal). This guy makes great movies. Point blank. But with the wide reaching cast and the inclusion of some questionable character choices over characters who SHOULD have been in the movie, I was worried that this would be the 3rd or 4th best comic book movie released THIS SUMMER... and that couldn't be further from the truth. 'Thor' was great, but pales in comparison to this wonderful movie. And if 'Green Lantern' & 'Capt. America' are going to beat this one out, we are in for two great fucking movies. This is as perfect a movie as one could expect to see.

Best Friends, Future Enemies: Professor X and Magneto

I know, I know... this seems like high praise. But know this: I do not say any of these things lightly. I am writing this while the movie is still super fresh in my head. I still can't believe HOW good a job they did on it. In classic CCD style, I am going to give you 5 things that the gang in 'X-Men: First Class' knocked out of the box. I will stay away from spoilers (I am a weirdo who still goes to midnight premieres like a teenager, and the movie opens wide today!). Here we go:

5 Great Things About X-Men: First Class

1.  The characters are younger and dealing with their new powers. Most of them are in their late teens or early 20's. Even Magneto and Professor X have a certain newbie sense to their powers even though they are older then the rest of the cast. Yet Vaughn didn't downplay this. He didn't make them perfect little characters who have no problem adjusting to their new found powers.Quite the opposite, they play up their fears and insecurities. This is especially true with Magneto, who Michael Fassbender plays magnificently. He is far from the confident Magneto we have seen Sir Ian McKellan portray so well.... yet their are shades of that future character that can be seen and it makes it awesome. 
2. The powers that these guys and gals display are awesome, but I have to give credit to Vaughn and the rest of the special effects crew for making this movie so visually stunning. I was super impressed with Banshee and Havok. These characters had costumes and powers that are IDENTICAL to their comic book versions, yet their costumes are made more practical. I loved how they showed Banshee's scream and I loved how Havok's energy blasts look very similar to Cyclops's (his brother) eye blasts from the past X movies, albeit it out of control (hence the name Havok).
3. The villains in this movie are just so great. Kevin Bacon is really coming into his own as a villain. This guy has that sinister streak in him that made him such a great piece of shit as a child molester in 'Sleepers', and this is his second awesome villain role of the year (the first was in James Gunn's 'Super', in which Bacon plays an awesome drug lord). I also liked the way Vaughn worked in second and third tier characters like Azazel and Riptide. These guys are real villains from the comics (even if you do not know who they are) and were far better served then rehashing Toad, Blob or Sabretooth. And lets not even talk about the mesmerizing January Jones, who brought the lovely Emma Frost to life. She played her masterfully, and I thought she made the characters skimpy outfits seem very practical and provided some of the best lines of the movie.
4. I also loved the characters that were chosen for this movie. Vaughn had talked about the continuity issues that have plagued this franchise, and he has said this was an attempt at rectifying as much of that as possible. So including characters like Azazel (who will later become Nightcrawler's Dad with Mystique) and Havok (Alex Summers, Cyclops's brother) seems to be a  nod to how those characters will come to be in the X-Men movie universe. There was some criticism for including newer characters from the comic book like Darwin or Angel in a story set in the 1960's, yet I thought this was a genius move. These characters are supporting at best, and they were needed for the roles the play (no spoilers... I swear!). A main character couldn't have filled the roles these two did, so kudos for including a lesser known character to drive the story. At least they stopped making up random characters just for the movie despite the fact there are 100's of characters in the X-Men universe. 
5. Making this movie a period piece was genius. Pure genius. The swinging 60's are in full effect, from Xavier's drinking and womanizing one liners to the awesome short dresses and high boots of Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) and Emma Frost (January Jones). I loved the clothing, the look of the CIA agents (black suit and tie, so uniform), and Sebastian Shaw's ever changing look (despite the fact he doesn't age, he changes his hair and dress quite a bit). I also liked the fact that Vaughn embraced the inclusion of alcohol in the movie. There is rarely a scene in which the characters are not drinking, and anyone who watches 'Mad Men' knows that the 60's was all about the scotch and martini's baby!!! I also liked the Austin Power-esque party going on at the Hellfire Club... very well done. The movie felt right, it never felt like it was shoehorned into the 1960's. That was the key to the film for me.

Professor X & Magneto in a strip club with a mutant stripper? This ain't your daddies X-Men Movie!

I hope these 5 reasons help you to choose and see this film. It truly is great. There are some great cameos, key plot developments, and some great explanations for tons of things in the X-Men universe (so that's where Magneto got that helmet... interesting). I will talk about the film more in depth at a later date, but for now I leave you with this: If you want to see a great movie (not a great superhero movie, a great movie!!!) this summer, this is your chance. I hope you take my advice. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

5 Reasons Why The Hangover Pt. II Is The Same Movie As Hangover Pt. I

I saw my good friend Joe Esq last week and asked him if he wanted to go see the Hangover 2 that weekend. After all, everyone loves the first movie and I had been eagerly anticipating the second installment. But Joe just looked at me while shaking his head no, a smirk on his face. I couldn't believe it... so of course I asked "Why Not????". Joey just smiled at me and in the snarky way that only he can speak he muttered "Because I liked better the first time I seen it... when it was called The Hangover". I had to smile... sure, there was a potential of the Wolfpack rehashing the exact same style of adventure in part 2, but would they actually do that? I went to see the movie later that weekend, and my short answer is: Yes... yes they can. Exactly the same situations. EXACTLY!!!!!!

Now before the hate spews forth, let me say that there were a few minor laughs and some funny shit in the movie. But since it has its own high expectations based on how hysterical the first one was, it doesn't live up. Not even close. I can't understand it, since both are written and directed by the same team and they feature relatively the same cast. How can it not be funny? Oh yeah, I know how: By making the exact same movie, scene for scene. Don't believe me? Here are 5 (there are many more, but these were the ones that stuck out to me) parts of the film that mirror something from the first film. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!

5 Reasons Why The Hangover 2 Is the Same Movie as Hangover 1

 

1. In the first movie, they lose Doug on their wild night. In this one, they lose Teddy, the younger brother of Stu's new bride (a smoking hot Jaime Chung... ming!!!). The exact same thing. They wake up, someones missing. That's weak. They didn't even attempt a twist or change. Straight up 3 against the world, trying to find a missing drunkard.
2. In the first movie, the guys wake up and find a baby in there room. This lead to some hysterical scenes (Galifinakas smacking the baby's face into the car door and the jacking off at the table scene) as well as furthered the story once they linked back up with the kid's stripper mother who Stu married (Heather Graham). No baby in this one.... but we do get Chow's monkey!!! (meh). The monkey is subbed in for the baby as just another hindrance to the gang and even help connect them to the criminals that will help this story come to a close. They even allow Allan to become the closest to the monkey, just like he did with the baby. Wow, that's original.
3. In the original Hangover, the gang stole Mike Tyson's tiger and had to return it to his home. This is extremely funny because of the impending danger and the cameo from Iron Mike that stole most of the movie. No tiger here... but this time these wild and crazy guys stole a Shaolin monk and have to take him home to his monastery!!!! That's funny.... wait, what? Why do I compare the monk to the tiger? Because they have an out of place character that is in their possession and needs to be returned to its foreign home. The character doesn't talk and can't help the guys with info. It's exactly the same thing, minus the tiger song and attack in the back of the Benz. Way to take something that was hysterical and make it terrible.
4. Mr. Chow was the one of the best parts of the first movie. He get kidnapped by the gang and they lock him in the trunk of the Benz. They hear him moving and think it may be Doug, so they open the trunk and Chow springs out, totally naked, wielding a crow bar and uttering the best lines of the movie. "You wanna fuck on ME!!!!!". But in this one Chow is invited to party with the gang. He organizes the whole debaucherous night in Bangkok and is there to explain what happen to guys in the morn. But then he OD's on coke. There goes that explanation. So the guys take his body up to the ice machine and lock him in. What happens later? They realize that Chow may have info on his body and race back to the hotel to search his pockets (Why didn't they do this earlier? Oh yeah, because the writers of this movie shit the bed). What happens when they open the doors to the ice machine? Here comes Chow, flying out naked and attacking the guys... again. Exact. Same. Scene. Terrible.
5. The first film gave the guys some hope when they met Chow and he said he had Doug. They use their Rain Man card stunt to win the money to pay for Doug, and then get Black Doug instead. It was a huge scene because it seemed like things were looking up for our gang, and then they get the rug pulled out from them AGAIN. So what happens in this one? Paul Giamatti (he was funny) plays a rival crime lord who wants the codes Chow had in his pocket. He gives the guys till the next morning to bring the codes and then he will give them Teddy back. But what happens when they come with the codes? Turns out Giammati was a cop and arrests Chow, and then brakes the news that he doesn't have Teddy. Wait... not only did they use the same tactic as the first film, but they abandoned the funny aspect of having THE WRONG guy? How great would it have been if he would have turned over Black Doug (Mike Epps) again... could have been great. Ended up being shit.  

These are just the worst offenses. Teddy loses a finger like Stu lost a tooth, they spend a wild night in the strip club (this was funny, the tranny fucking Stu was the best part of the movie), they have a wild motorboat ride to the wedding instead of the wild car ride, Allan gives awkward speeches, there is a crazy wedding band (although not The Dan Band, who stole the fucking movie while performing Candy Shop), Allan drugs the gang on accident AGAIN, Yada Yada Yada. All in all, it stunk. Some funny parts, but it was supposed to be much more then that. Maybe it will grow on me after a few viewings. I doubt it... should have listened to Joey! Watch it at your own risk and prepare to be disappointed.

5 Clips That Will Make You Watch Eastbound & Down Season 2

Eastbound & Down starts again this weekend, and I can not fucking wait. Here are 5 reasons why you should be tuning in as well... if you ain't watching this show, then you are a d bag. Now hop to it.

Ecstasy Dance



Kenny Meets Ashley Schafer




Pitching Showdown



The Best of Stevie Janowski



The Best of Kenny Powers