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May 20, 2010

Reality Check #5 by Kate Jones (Lost Week Edition)

What if LOST was a Reality Show….

“On a beautiful deserted island… somewhere between Australia and Los Angeles, 15 people are isolated to compete for their life…and some DHARMA Beer until one contestant remains to become the Sole Survivor.”….

So, before I actually watched LOST for the first time, I thought it was going to be some miniseries that was stemming from the ‘Survivor’ craze. I had only seen commercials, and in the spirit of true Fan boy-hype, there wasn’t too much mainstream information about it (“…the internet and blogging is for LOSERS,” said 2004 Kate Jones-X) There was plenty of underground buzz, however, and by the time I sat down and watched Season 1- Episode 5, “White Rabbit,” I was completely hooked.

Now, I am not the resident LOST genius, but I love this show more than Jack loves ‘Apollo Bars’ and will be incredibly sad to see it go. The last time I felt this deeply for a television show was when Alias went off the air. For those of you who haven’t watched it ever, it is a piece of J.J. Abrams brilliance that, unfortunately, faded out in later seasons with the additions of new and, ultimately, less interesting characters. Because of this love, I couldn’t just let my C-C-D brethren, be the only ones to put their two cents in during ‘LOST week’ so I decided to bring you ’LOST Survivor’! For my mash-up, I decided to only include the original 15 cast members from Season one.

So without further ado, let’s meet your castaways, find out how or why they would be voted off and which one of these people would win the title of ‘Sole Island Survivor’

Boone, Charlie, Claire, Hurley, Jack, Jin, John Locke, Kate, Michael, Rose, Sawyer, Sayid, Shannon, Sun and Walt! (see Mike, I didn’t forget about him.)

So since we’re starting with 15 people, one person needs to be eliminated from the get-go. For my blog’s purposes, this person will be the one perceived as the weakest by the rest of the castaways from first glance. All of the castaways are torn between the obvious two people: Walt and Hurley. The castaways, ultimately, vote Walt out unanimously because he is a small child that shouldn’t be on a deserted island fending for food and water. Hurley, while grossly overweight, will probably be able to help the tribe a little and won’t be perceived as a threat.

So now, at 14 the contestants are asked to split into tribes. They are all asked to pick a rock out of a bag. One person will pick a BLACK ROCK and another will pick a WHITE ROCK… the other’s will all pick red. Black Rocks and White Rocks will indicate the team captains. John Locke gets the black rock and the first pick. Jack gets the white rock and teams are chosen as follows:

Locke- ‘Black Team’:  Sawyer, Charlie, Boone, Hurley, Claire, Shannon

Jack- ‘White Team’: Kate, Sayid, Jin, Sun, Michael, Rose

Episode 1: A Reward Challenge: The prize is fire. Locke’s team squeaks this one out and the group seems rather pleased with themselves going in to the immunity challenge. The tribe is a little frustrated, however, with Shannon who seems be too much of a princess for ‘island life’. They get to the immunity challenge and the physical supremacy of Jack’s team takes the win. Locke’s team is about to unanimously vote off Shannon when they realize, “Holy Shit, Claire is 8 months pregnant! How the hell can she survive this experience?” She is voted out 5-2 (Charlie, of course, just couldn’t bring himself to vote for the pretty little Aussie.)

Episode 2: A Reward Challenge. The prize is water and Jack’s team pulls this one out with what can only be explained as ‘help from above’. He says his father’s ghost guided him there… WHATEVER! They get to the immunity challenge and it’s a puzzle. Locke’s team is about to win when Shannon drops a few of the pieces in the sand! Rose, staying calm, cool and collected, helps lead the more physical team to a mental victory. Nothing can save Shannon this time. She is voted out 4-2. Boone saw the good in her, but knew she was a LOST cause… Shannon leaves screaming, “Are you seriously keeping that fat guy over me?!?!

Episode 3: A Reward Challenge. The prizes are DHARMA Beer and Cheeseburgers! The Black team pulls this one out with some major help from Hurley! That dude loves his food but, there’s a twist: The winning tribe has to pick one person from the losing tribe to come with them for a day. This person will get to interact with the tribe and take part in their reward. Sawyer convinces Locke to pick Kate… ‘cause he thinks she would be a good ally on the other side….and that she’s cute. While at the Black Teams camp, she and Sawyer create an alliance based solely on their survivor skills….and a mutual attraction but, she is also in a ‘hot and heavy’ alliance with Jack. They get to the immunity challenge and Kate returns to her team. For an immunity win, it’ll be a knife throwing challenge. Locke’s team has this one in the bag and they win immunity for the first time! Jack seems defeated and their team has a tough choice picking between Rose, (who is older and not as physical but has some serious mental skills) and Michael (who is physically strong and motivated but just has a crappy attitude.) Jack, Kate and Sayid vote to get rid of Michael and it’s looking kind of obvious that Jin and Sun have formed an alliance. So, Michael is the third castaway to go!

*At this point we start to see some other clear alliances forming. Locke is working with Boone. Charlie and Hurley are tight. Sawyer is good with both Charlie and Hurley and Locke and Boone, and also has an alliance with Kate. Jack, Sayid, Rose and Kate seem to be getting on pretty well and Jin and Sun are a solid team.

Episode 4: TWO immunity challenges: The first one is a swimming challenge and for some reason, the Black team pulls it out! Jack’s team votes out Rose, because her physicality just isn’t cutting it. Sayid and Kate needed to make Jack realize this. The second immunity challenge is a little different. All of the castaways will be blindfolded, put in to a maze, and the last one out automatically gets sent home! Sawyer is the first person out of the maze, closely followed by Kate, Locke, Jack, Jin, Sayid and Charlie. Hurley, Sun and Boone are the last ones left… and Boone winds up being the one sent home. He just couldn’t find his way out of a DEAD end.

Episode 5: I smell a MERGE! The teams gather in the Black camp (the White team is allowed to bring their yummy bottled DHARMA water though!) The reward is an iPod to listen to until the battery dies! The challenge involves cooking the best version of DHARMA Slop (I know I’m going a little ‘Big Brother’ on you guys here, but bear with me). Hurley, of course, wins this challenge, but wait…he gets to choose two other people to get iPods along with him and chooses Locke and Charlie. (to which, Sawyer mumbles, “Son of a bitch!”) While they’re all listening to their Ipods, Sawyer, with the help of Kate, makes nice with the other team and agrees to vote with them to get rid of Charlie. Charlie is a likeable guy, but an ultimately unreliable partner. Of course, Charlie could win immunity, but he doesn’t. It’s an endurance competition, and it comes down to the last two WOMEN standing, Sun and Kate. Kate wins. The White tribe votes to get rid of Charlie but Sawyer votes for Sun with Locke’s tribe just to make the Black team thinks that he is still with them. With that, Charlie is the first member of our jury.

Episode 6: The Reward Challenge garners letters from home for the winner…. and two people of his choosing. It is a strength and balance challenge and Sayid wins it over Sawyer, but picks him and Jack to share the reward. This infuriates Sun, who starts mumbling about getting rid of Sayid. Jin is on her side, of course, and they think they can convince Hurley and Locke to be as well. Unfortunately for them, Sayid wins immunity for another physical challenge. Jack knows that Sun was thinking about betraying the tribe, and she gets voted out instead of Locke.

Episode 7: ANOTHER DOUBLE ELIMINATION EVENT! The remaining seven people need to compete in an obstacle course. The first one to cross the finish line gets immunity. The remaining contestants will need to vote two people out. The automatic assumption is the alliance of Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Sayid and Jin will vote out Locke and Hurley, as it has become obvious that Sawyer is siding with the White team. However, Locke goes to Jack, Kate and Sawyer and makes an extremely compelling argument. Hurley and Locke are significantly less of a physical threat then Sayid and Jin, thus easier to beat. Even though it goes against everything that Jack believes in, Kate and Sawyer are able to convince him that this is the right move to make. By TWO votes of 5-2, Jin and Sayid are eliminated.

Episode 8: We are down to 5 castaways. The reward challenge involves some of the contestant’s very special people from home. We get to meet Hurley’s mother, Jack’s ex-wife, Kate’s Federal Marshall, and both Locke and Sawyer’s ex-girlfriends. Aside from Hurley, it sure seems as though these people aren’t doing so well off the island, huh? Anyway Locke, who still loves his ex, wins the reward. It’s a feast, and Locke chooses Jack and Hurley to accompany him. Secretly, Locke convinces Jack that more people on the jury like Hurley and that they should send him home first. Sawyer, who is happy to get some alone time with Kate while the boys go off to their picnic, wins the immunity challenge. He is….’refreshed’, I guess, after some time in the cages. Jack, Kate and Sawyer vote with Locke and get rid of Hurley.

Episode 9: Unless Locke wins immunity, it looks like he will be sent home. Kate doesn’t seem like she’ll be convinced to vote out Sawyer or Jack and neither of them want to get rid of her. At this point though, Sawyer realizes that he would have a hard time beating Jack or Locke on the jury. Sawyer winds up winning immunity. He decides he’ll need to convince Kate to help him get rid of Jack. Upon speaking to Locke, however, they decide to force a tie in hopes that it will help them do so. Kate and Jack vote Locke, and Sawyer and Locke vote Jack. They need to have a fire building competition to see who stays. Kate throws Sawyer a dirty look, and he is upset, but defiant. It seems as if this challenge was made for Locke, but Jack’s fire grows suddenly and burns the rope above it to make him the winner. Locke is so angry that he explodes into a puff of black smoke.

Finale! These folks define the meaning of ’love triangle’. Since it is clear to Kate that each man wants to get rid of the other, she feels secure. They head to their final immunity challenge in which they’ll need to hold on to a log in the middle of a lake. The last person holding on wins immunity. Sawyer slips fairly quickly and it is between Kate and Jack. Jack looks at Kate and says, “no matter which of us you choose, you deserve to be in the finale” and falls! Kate doesn’t know which man to choose. She is ultimately more attracted to the bad boy, Sawyer, but she thinks that Jack is the epitome of ‘good and safe’. Ultimately, she chooses Jack! The ending is pretty boring: “…you were riding his coattails!” blah, blah, blah…“what do you mean your dead father led you to water?” blah, blah, blah …“would you have gotten this far without him?” blah, blah, blah…
“Why’d you choose him instead of me?!”

In the end, the jury votes 6-1 for Jack to win $1,000,000 and the title of Sole Island Survivor.

"Thanks for voting for me sucker... I mean sweetie"

Although I am the resident Reality addict, I desperately needed to be a part of LOST week! I hope you liked my little ‘fantasy-REALITY’ world! A special thanks to Jeff for his help editing!


  1. This was absolutely brilliant, Kate! I'm not much of a Survivor watcher but I enjoyed this mash up very much. Awesome job!

  2. I loved this. I always secretly wished Survivor was more like LOST. With live action, murder and mystery. To visualize the opposite through your words was great fun! Brilliant!

  3. WALT!!!!!!!!!

    Great Job Sissy... unreal work!