My 3 Favorite Scary Movies Of All Time: Kate Jones Edition

Ever since that scene in Scream where Ghostface asks Ms Barrymore that same question people have been asking each other it with regularity. Actually, I'm pretty sure they have been asking each other that since the beginning of film itself. Scary movies are just so easy to talk about... and so easy to form an opinion of. For many reasons they are the genre of movies that you can point to and say "Yup, these are the ones I LOVE!!!" In honor of CCD's 1st annual All Horror Week, we decided to highlight some of our contributors and friends 3 favorite scary/horror movies of all time. These may not be the best, but they are each person's FAVORITE, so these lists should be quite fun. Here we go!

Our next contributor to step up to the plate is Kate Jones, whose True Bloody Love (True Blood) & Reality Check (Reality TV) recap columns keep everybody in the loop on whats going on. Since True Blood is outta season right now, we are waiting for Mrs. Jones to get a new obsession so we can be privy to some more of her excellent insights. One thing she won't be writing about will be horror movies, because she F'n hates scary movies!!! Despite the fact that she is not a huge horror fan (at all), she as a good sport and participated anyway. With no further ado, I present My 3 Favorite Scary Movies Of All Time: Kate Jones Edition!!!

Se7en (1995) - Hands down, one of the best movies I have EVER seen. Incredible acting, tons of visual grossness and an incredible storyline. I saw this at about the same time as Usual Suspects and was completely amazed by all things Kevin Spacey after that. Just total awesomeness...and creepiness.

The Shining (1980) - Nothing is creepier than the idea that a normal guy could go completely bonkers and try to kill the people he loves the most. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

The Ring (2002) -  Wow... Kids are freaky! That girl was DAMN scary. I think that might have actually been the last scary movie I saw just based on that crazy girl climbing out of the television at the end of the movie. Also, my friends ex boyfriend calling my house phone just as the movie finished MAY have damaged me.

Is TrueBlood The Sexually Freakiest Show On TV... Um, Yeah.

I am of the school of thought that despite the fact that our society is completely desensitized, TrueBlood seems to find new and exciting ways to shock its audience with its sexual antics and over the top situations. Head twisting vamp sex? Check. Werewolf gang rape of willing female werewolf while high on V? Check. Random Bon Temps adults participating in a Roman style fuck- orgy while worshiping an ostrich egg on Sookies front lawn? Check. Tons of uncomfortable gay vamp sex, and come to think of it, uncomfortable regular gay sex between characters who are not supposed to be gay? Check. Down home girl Sookie banging Bill like she is a regular hooch at Lil Wayne's backstage orgies? Check. The sex plays a key role in this show.

With that being said, I am shocked how Alan Ball continues to find ways to make us say "Huh??? Did that just happen???" every week. The cast must be banging each other out... no way they can look this comfortable doing the sick shit they are doing if they weren't intimate with each other. Anyway, now we get Eric, Sookie, and Bill post vamp orgy on the cover of Rolling Stone, naked and bloody.

Holy shit, this show must be fun to work on!!! Anywho, the Rolling Stone cover hits soon and True Blood season 3 is wrapping up in the next few weeks. Keep checking back for Kate Jones and her weekly True Blood recap True Bloody Love. Please leave a comment on what you think the freakiest thing you ever saw happen on True Blood was.

True Bloody Love by Kate Jones - Season 3 Recap, Part 3

So here is part 3 of our multi episode recap... Now how about some blood and guts and MURDER! We have old ass vampire murder and even a little bit of wolf killing in this recap! You know you love it! I know I do! These last couple of episodes included everything that makes True Blood awesome. Lets do a quick run down of what those things are.
1) Slow undressing and nudity of the male and female variety.
2) Homoeroticism
3) Blood and guts
4) Killing and murder
5) Witty commentary
6) Mystery
7) Sex.

Last we saw, Lorena threw Sookie against a wall and was taking a bite. She stops to tell Sookie how delicious she is and Bill gathers enough strength to jump up and grab Lorena away from her, wrapping a silver chain around her neck. Lorena told Bill she loved him and Sookie drove a stake through her heart. Cue blood and guts and killing! What an opening sequence!

Next Tara and Alcide show up to get Sookie out of there. After Sookie found the key to Bill’s handcuffs in the pile of nastiness that was once Lorena, Tara and Alcide helped her wrap him up so that they can put him in the van outside. Enter queen bitchface Debbie. She pointed a gun at Alcide and she went on about how she really had loved him, but that he wouldn’t have a baby with her because he didn’t want to have a were-baby. Tara knocks Debbie down and Alcide is able to pick up the gun when Cooter comes in. Alcide shoots him twice (blood and brains and murder!) and Debbie loses it. She swears to go after Alcide for doing this to her and I believe her! Debbie is one scary bitch! He stupidly doesn’t kill her though and leaves her locked in the Slave Quarters at King Russell’s house

Sookie, in a moment of pure idiocy, says that she is going to ride in the back with Bill. After running over some werewolf guy, the rescue mission is a success and they are out of there! Finally! But dummy can’t just bring him to help. She needs to open her arm and feed him her blood to strengthen him up. This starts off okay, with him just taking blood from the wound, but then he starts biting her all over. He is completely out of control and covers her mouth so she can’t scream and keeps on draining her.

Now, as a reader of Charlaine Harris’s books, I knew this scene was coming. In the books, this scene and his infidelity with Lorena caused Sookie and Bill’s breakup. But this scene was a lot more graphic in the book. In the book Debbie locked Sookie in a trunk with a starving Bill, and he didn’t just symbolically rape her by drinking her blood. He ACTUALLY raped her. Sookie, even though she loved him and understood that he couldn’t control himself, just couldn’t deal with that.

Anyway, Alcide has to pee so Tara checks on Sookie and finds her bleeding to death in the back of the truck. She throws Bill in to the sunlight and they rush Sookie to a hospital. But Bill doesn’t burn. I wonder why? Does it have something to do with Sookie’s strange powers.

Tara and Alcide contact Jason and Lafayette and the four of them are in the hospital praying for Sookie to get better. Sookie, however, doesn’t have a bloodtype and her body is rejecting any sort of transfusion. Bill shows up and wants to give Sookie his blood to save her. Tara thinks he did enough, but Jason lets him do it. While they are there, Sookie is in some magical place that seems like a Grateful Dead concert, but with really beautiful people instead of smelly old hippies. There she meets Claudine who warns her not to let Bill take her light.

Now, I know what this place is. I know who Claudine is. I know what Sookie has in her. Therefore I can’t really draw opinions on all this without ruining it for you. So let me ask… what do you think of all this?

Anyway, the Bill Blood transfusion worked and Sookie woke up screaming. Obviously terrified of Bill. But she regained her composure and convinced everyone to leave the room. Her and Bill tearfully broke up with each other. They acknowledged their love for each other but also acknowledged that their love is NO FUCKING GOOD for them AT ALL. Sookie’s almost died a million times in the series, and it’s only supposed to be about three months since season 1! Put on your smart hat, Sookie, and run for the frigging hills!

Anyway, lets cut away from the doomed lovers for a minute and talk about Eric and all of his sinful tastiness! Eric is holding Queen Sophie-Anne in a cage near her pool, and he drags Sookie’s cousin Hadley out to her. Now we don’t get any explanation why, but Hadley and the Queen have something very real going on here. You can see that they deeply care for each other. Eric wanted to know what was special about Sookie and told the queen he would drink from Hadley until she told her. While Hadley was barely conscious, she whispered to Eric why they were after Sook. And Eric was surprised. You can’t say that too often. He then gave Hadley some blood so she can recover.

Also, we finally get another glimpse of Pam! The MagisterMagister marry him and Sophie-Ann. The Magister said that “The Authority” didn’t give him the right to perform marriages. Russell stated, “There’s a new Authority in town” and quickly switched Pam and the Magister so that the Magister was now bound by silver. After a little bit of torture, the Magister finally agreed to marry them. Sophie and Russell air kissed and the king celebrated by cutting off the Magister’s head (blood and murder!). I wonder what the repercussions of this will be with the Vampire League and whoever this “Authority” is.

Russell, Sophie, Hadley, Eric go back to Russell’s mansion and poor Talbot is very upset. He has had to deal with a dead Lorena, the brains of Franklin and dead werewolves. He’s had enough. Eric hears Russell say to Talbot that he’s just happy that he is okay. From then on, I knew the poor Carson Kressley was doomed. But hey, if I was going to go out, might as well go out like he did… well sort of.

Eric informs Russell that there is a “werebitch” waiting for him, and, of course, its Debbie. Debbie wants Sookie dead.

“She fucked my ex-boyfriend and made him shoot my fiancée. She's a cunt!” Russell agrees, but he thinks that she is “a special cunt.” They needed to compromise, so he agreed to let Debbie torture Sookie a bit before he brings her in. Russell wants to go get Sookie soon, and doesn’t fully trust Eric, but Eric swears his allegiance to him anyway. That means very little, because as soon as daylight hits, Eric sneaks to a scantily dressed Hadley to tell her to go and warn Sookie that Russell is coming.

Back at Sookie’s house, Jason wants Sook to press charges against Bill, but she doesn’t want to. Tara thinks that Sookie sounds like a stupid bitch from country songs (think ‘Stand By Your Man’) that sticks up for men that beat on them. Alcide however was there to comfort Sookie until crazy ass Debbie burned down his sister’s hair salon, in an effort to get him away from Bon Temps. As he was leaving, they hugged, and both of them wished that they could have fallen in love with each other. As a woman I can relate to this. I know plenty of girls who had good guys love them, but instead they chose the no-good life sucker. I guess it’s not just in fiction folks. Most people have no idea what’s good for them. Alcide promised he’d be back to see Sookie, and I really hope that it will be this season. I loved Alcide in the books, and I am starting to love him on the small screen.

Finally Hadley comes to see Sookie. We find out that she had run away from rehab and hadn’t seen anyone in her family for years. She didn’t even know that Gran had died. But she was there to pass on Eric’s message, which was, “Russell is coming” and “Don’t trust Bill.” Hadley runs out and Sookie reads her mind. She knows that Hadley is the one that knows something about her, and she told the vampires.

Back at Bill’s house, Jessica is thrilled to see him. But Bill tries to send her away because he can’t protect her. She refuses to leave, saying he is all she has. He decides to teach her how to fight instead of kicking her out. This was a pretty cool scene with the two fighting at vampire speed. They also talk about love and letting people go for their own good.. blah, blah, if you love them set them free bullshit.

Next we briefly see Russell preparing to go to Bon Temps. Talbot isn’t happy that the king is leaving again and starts smashing priceless artifacts. Eric stops him from breaking the Viking crown and tells Russell that he will stay to keep Talbot company. I smell seduction!!!

Talbot and Eric play chess, but that’s not the kind of fun that Talbot wants! He demands that Eric start taking off his clothes, and he DOES! If life could be so easy!

Back in Bon Temps, Debbie and two other wolves show up at Sookie’s house. They go in to find Bill waiting for them, and then Jessica shows up and sweetly says hi to them. God, I love Jessica! I didn’t think I would ever say this, but the girl rocks. When she showed up, me and Rich almost cheered in excitement hoping for her to kick some ass. Debbie ran upstairs to Sookie’s room and the two of them have an epic bitch fight. Sookie could have just killed her, but she didn’t. I would think that Debbie would be a lot more powerful than Sookie, even if she does have some V in her. After all, Debbie has tons of V AND is a werewolf. I would think this fight should have been easier. Anyway Sookie cuts her with a pair of scissors and holds a gun on her again.

Downstairs, Bill dispatched of his wolf and Jessica runs outside after hers, Unfortunately, Russell is waiting there for them. He grabs Jessica and threatens to kill her if Bill didn’t hand over Sookie. Bill calls Russell a coward for hiding behind wolves and baby vampires. Russell then throws Jessica aside for he wolf and grabs Bill. He is about to dispatch of him when….

Back at Russell’s house we see naked Eric and naked Talbot wrestling, and Eric tells Talbot to turn over. Talbot wants it in the butt pretty badly, but instead he gets STAKED! Eric was THRILLED by his sweet revenge….

Russell gives a guttural scream of pain when he realizes that Talbot has been killed and taken from his. He shoots up in to the sky, leaving Bill alone. Debbie jumped out of the window to get away from the armed and ready to shoot Sookie. Bill comes upstairs and she tells him that she loves him and they hug and kiss passionately.

The final scene had some loud angry music playing while naked Sookie was riding the holy hell out of Bill. That looked like some angry, make up sex! Also, we see Jessica in the woods FEASTING on the werewolf that was Patrick Swayze’s brother.

Also going on in Bon Temps, but significantly less exciting… Arlene dreamed that Rene’s baby was going to kill people just like he had. Tommy was acting angsty in Merlotte’s and upset Hoyt quite a bit. Arlene interviewed a new waitress who has some sort of mystical power. Crystal ran away from Hotshot to be with Jason. The Hotshot men were looking for her in Merlotte’s and Sam and Tommy smelled that something was up with them. These guys are definitely some sorts of shifters. Jason tells these guys to stay away from Crystal. Tara has a sexy dream about Franklin. Lafayette and Jesus seem to make up.

So what do you think of all this? I thought the last couple of episodes were FABULOUS! Next week I will be away, but I will get another double recap to you the week after! I hope you are enjoying the season and my recaps so far. Comment below and thanks for reading!

True Bloody Love Recap #5 Part 2 by Kate Jones

In the past three episodes we have seen the convergence of a good chunk of the more important storylines in the show. Sookie, Bill, Lorena, Eric, King Russell, Talbot, Pam, the Magister, Sophie Ann, Alcide, Debbie and the V-addicted wolves, Tara, Franklin and most recently, Hadley, are all in some way taking part in the same storyline, even if they took separate paths to get there.

For my own completely selfish reasons I am starting this recap with Tara. I know! I can’t believe it either but, in episode 5, Tara and her undead kidnapper/stalker became interesting! Last we saw, Tara and Franklin arrived at King Russell’s house. Tara was still tied up and Talbot was still being Talbot (gracious host? Housemaker? Aspiring contestant on Bravo’s reality show Top Design?).

Bill, Lorena and the King arrived back home from their hot-lonely-stripper-in-a-limo feast. Tara asks Bill to help her and he coldly says no. Clearly, he doesn’t understand what Tara is doing there and I am pretty sure he was just maintaining his cover as the king’s man.



We then lose sight of Tara briefly while Franklin talks to the king. He gives him the file on Sookie that he found in Bill’s dresser and now the king knows that Bill has definitely been hiding SOMETHING from him. He’s pretty sure that Bill is in Bon Temps on Sophie-Anne’s orders. After all nonsense ends, we finally get a taste of what I guess is the real Franklin.

When he asked the king for his payment, the king warned him that the last time he had that much money, he slaughtered a church group because they wouldn’t let him have a turn at the slot machines. The king also warns him about dragging around a human but Franklin just doesn’t care, because he and Tara are both “disasters” and that their chemistry is “electric.” Can chemistry be electric? Probably not but for the sake of this blog, it is.



What follows this is quite possibly one of the funniest moments I have seen yet on this show, beating out many scenes of Jason genius. Watch it!



Okay, seriously. That was a pure bit of Alan Ball genius. For a second, it almost surprised me, and I said “oh!” out loud. But then, like he knew I missed it, he did it again! He typed motherfucker really, really fast. Then he said love you and made a kissy sound. From that moment on I wanted to see more of Franklin and Tara. They really stepped up their storyline in this episode.

It was quite unfortunate a few hours later when Franklin was sleeping and Tara chewed through the ties binding her to the bed and ran for it. It was also unfortunate that Coot was standing guard in wolf form and dragged her ass back to incur the wrath of Franklin. With much persuading she was able to convince him that he didn’t frighten her, but the other vampires did.



Tara told Franklin that they needed to talk. He said that usually, when women say that, everything goes black and he wakes up surrounded by bodies. Anyone who wasn’t convinced by the Speed Texting champion of the world scene should totally love this amazing character by now. Tara assures him that its not that kind of talk and tells him that she actually is crazy about him, but he needs to remember that she is human and needs to do things like eat. He told her he would take her out the next day for dinner to celebrate her last day as a human… because he was going to make her his vampire bride. I would like to give some props to Tara here… or her writers or creators. If crazy ass Franklin wanted me to be his vampire bride, I don’t think I would be able to react as calm as Tara did, even with the look of horror on her face. I knew that Tara was most likely not going to become a vampire. But it was cool that she thought it for a minute.

Let’s go downstairs for a little while. Now that King Russell has Bill’s dossier on Sookie, he knows that Bill was lying to him about something. But before the king can say anything, the awesome and beautiful Eric shows up to tell the king that he is in search of Bill for selling V in his district. Bill comes out and says that Eric can’t pin that on him. Eric admits to the king in seconds that it was Eric selling the V at the behest of Queen Sophie Anne. Bill and Eric also briefly discussed Sookie’s singleness. Eric deduced that if Bill was not TAKEN from Sookie, he LEFT Sookie, and was therefore no longer “his”. Eric looks very interested. The King also seems interested… but by Eric. He invites him to stay at their house. Now Talbot looks interested. Talbot has good taste.

Talbot later takes Eric on a tour of the King Russell’s Castle of Catastrophe (I know, I’m not sure of that one either). While they are looking at some of Russell’s treasure, Eric sees a Viking crown that causes us to flashback. Eric, when he was a human Viking prince, was being scolded by his parents for screwing the redhead servant too often and not taking life seriously enough. Now I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a princess. Now I can see points in wanting to feed the goats. When he goes back to his favorite pastime (and we spied a little bit of Eric’s hot man ass), his parents are attacked by wolves, with the Project Werewolf symbol on them. He chases them and sees a mysterious cloaked figure that tells him he shouldn’t bother fighting him. He doesn’t but later, Eric promises that he will avenge his father. The Viking crown belonged to his father, which leads us to correctly assume that Russell killed his parents and infant sister. I guess this is why Eric wants these wolves and their leader so bad!

The king is finally able to have his talk with Bill and puts him under guard again. Cooter (hehe) tells him that Sookie is banging a werewolf (Alcide) there in Jackson and says all sorts of other raunchy things about Sookie. He called her a blonde ho. As a former blonde, I resent that on a personal level. He also said something along the lines of “suck that dick” similar to how someone might have said, “In your face!” 20 years ago. I think I may have to start using that! Bill finds out where Sookie is, burns a vampires face on the silver door and makes a run for it.

Now Sookie and Alcide barely escape Lou Pine’s alive. When they get back to Alcide’s place, Sookie goes to sleep but is awoken when Debbie shows up there to tell Alcide that the V-wolves would come after him if they knew what he saw at the bar. Then her and Sookie bitch fight for a little while and Sookie gives up too much info. Debbie clearly has no idea who Bill is when Sookie asks her about him, but now she knows he’s important and probably said something to Coot about her.

We see Alcide tell his pack master about the V-wolves, but the Colonel doesn’t think they should do anything. Seems he’s frightened of them.

Next, Bill shows up to see Sookie, but after briefly reuniting, Russell and Coot show up. When Coot tries to take Sook, she hits him in the face with the light from her hands. The king thinks that that is just fantastic, while we are still wondering where the hell that light comes from!

Now Sookie, Bill, Eric, Lorena, the king, Talbot, Tara and Franklin are all in the same place. As Sook is dragged in with Bill (but not Alcide), Bill stakes one of Russell’s henchmen and tries to get Russell, but is easily thrown off of him. Bill begs Eric to help Sookie, but Eric instead tells the king that he should hold on to “it.” While Eric goes off with Sookie, Russell tells Lorena to go kill Bill in the slave quarters. Now honestly, if you wanted Bill dead, would you send Lorena to do the job? NO. She really has nothing but pain to gain by killing her child and great love. Send Eric. I think he would have gladly done it at this point. But since Lorena threatened to kill Sookie and wear her ribcage for a hat, I doubt that she would have been a very good guard for her.

Once alone Sookie tells Eric that she hates him for putting her and Bill through this, while Eric pretty much tells her that he will not allow her to screw something up that he’s been working toward for years. Its obvious that he’s playing some sort of a role here. Why can’t Sookie see it? She was so confident that Bill was lying to her on the phone to play a role.

The king finally sits down with Sookie and they begin to answer each other’s questions. Now, if I was a vampire I would have beat this bitch senseless for thinking she had any right to ask ME any questions when she was MY prisoner, but for the sake of the storyline, Russell played along with Sookie’s feisty stupidity. Sookie learned about Bill’s dossier on her but she annoys Russell when she can’t tell him about her magical light powers. He then locks her in a bedroom.

Now back to the awesomely crazy FRANKLIN who tells Tara that he shaved for her and their wedding. Now that Sookie has been delivered to the king, his work for Russell is over. Now though, Tara knows that Sookie is in the mansion, and knows that she can contact her with her thoughts. Tara plays Franklin perfectly, getting him to untie her so that she can use both hands on him. She also convinces him that she wants to drink his blood so that she can be high on it the last time that they hump as humans. He then lets her bite down on his neck. Did you notice the gross piece of flapping skin… ewwwww. She then stays awake as he falls asleep in his arms. She tells Sookie that she is coming to get her out of there.

Now, when Franklin is good and asleep, Tara walks over to the wall, takes a spikey mace down and beats Franklin several times over the head with it. Now, I don’t think that Franklin’s dead, but to date we haven’t seen him again. We haven’t seen him explode in to red goo though, so I am sure he will be back at some point this season.

Next, Tara, in a moment of genius, stops by the kitchen to get some almonds, and tells Sookie’s guard that Talbot wants to serve Sookie’s blood that night and that he demands that she eats all of the almonds first. He let her in to the room, and together Sookie and Tara knock him out. She tells Sookie that she is there to kill vampires and save her ass (awesome) and they run to get out of there. But wait! Sookie needs to save Bill! Tara went to go find a car to escape in, while she searches for him. Tara runs in to another wolf, but fortunately, this time it’s Alcide, there looking for the Sookster. He has a van and together they go to find her.

Bill has not been having a good day so far. Lorena, sad about killing him, is slowly draining him. She then allows Cooter and Debbie to drink from him. By the time Sookie gets there, Debbie and Coot are as high as kites and running around outside the slave quarters. Sookie gets in there to save him, but Lorena grabs her first and throws her against the wall.

Meanwhile, Eric is trying to win the king’s graces through flirtation. It was sort of working. Russell takes Eric with him to Queen Sophie Anne’s house so that he can once again propose marriage. He also tells Eric that he is playing boss man over the werewolves not because he likes working with them, but because he is using them to gain control of the human. He believes that vampires are way superior to humans and that there should be a system that proves that much. He went as far as to say that Hitler was right about a master race, but that master race was not human. Sounds very Voldemort-ish to me also.

When they get to Sophie-Anne’s, she is sitting by her pool doing scratch-offs (hilarious) and whooping like a child whenever she wins. In the books, Sophie-Anne was 14 or 15 when she was turned over. Maybe that’s where her love of things like scratch-offs and Yahtzee comes from. In walks Russell, who offers to pay all of her debt if she marries him. Eric shows up as a guard and we find out that Sophie-Anne actually framed him to be the only person behind selling the V. Eric shows that he is now loyal to Russell and kills the queen’s guards. The Queen has no choice but to agree to the marriage pact.

Part 3 coming at you soon! Stay tuned...

True Bloody Love by Kate Jones - 3.5 thru 3.7....Part 1

Well guys, I owe you three episodes. That’s like 15 pages of single spaced writing on Microsoft Word. Do you have any idea how much time that will take away from my life.. you know… work, schoolwork, and reading A Clash of Kings? You don’t care do you? I didn’t think so.

Either way, I decided that I am going to give you a bunch of smaller recaps this week; not by episode but by storyline. We’ll go with some of the smaller ones today. So lets talk about Arlene, Terry, Jason, Hoyt, Jessica, Lafayette, Sam and the Mickens.

The best thing about the Sam storyline right now is that it seems to be coming to a close. The Mickens have moved into one of Sam’s rental homes right across the street from Arlene (also renting from Sam). Sam also gave Tommy a job working at Merlotte’s and asked Joe Lee to be the onsite handyman for his rentals. While he is at work, Tommy gets a call from his father screaming to come home. He hangs up and asks Sam if he can crash at his place. This is fine with Sam until Joe Lee shows up at his house drunk screaming that he owns Tommy. Sam makes him go sleep it off. The next day, Melinda shows up and asks for a private word with Tommy. She says that they can’t trust Sam to take care of them and that Tommy needs to go home to help take care of her. She also says that she was in the ring as long as she could be, but she has back problems now, and he has to be the one. Is it horrible that I was so dense to think they were talking about the circus? I was totally thinking freak show, not dog fights.

Anyway, Arlene is upset because she sees the Mickens loading a pitbull in to their truck and that’s when Sam figures out what is going on. He finds out from Andy where there are dogfights and goes in to try and save the day. He frees all of the other caged dogs and gets to the ring just in time to stop a mean looking Rottweiler from finishing off Tommy. He yells at the Mickens, calling them the worst parents in the world, and asks Tommy if he wants to come live with him. Tommy accepts and they drive off.

I don’t think that this is the end of the Mickens, but I see that this storyline is at least coming to a close. That makes me happy.

Arlene is still stressed out from working so much, but her and Terry have moved in together. How cute was Terry when he was talking to Sam about having a normal life with a woman and a baby? He’s such a sweet character and you really want the very best for him. Arlene, however, is being a bit of a crazy person over the fact that she’s working with Jessica. Arlene is extremely afraid of being glamoured or being around any vamps in general. Jessica is a bit offended by this and instead of glamouring Arlene, she glamours all of her customers in to not leaving her any tips. She becomes even more afraid of Jessica when her fangs come out when Arlene gets a little paper cut. Jess feels bad about this and glamours Arlene’s last customer in to giving Arlene a very big tip. Then Jess feeds off of said customer (who I am pretty sure was Moonbeam in PCU, a cinematic masterpiece for sure).

Jessica is also a little sad, because she saw Hoyt on a date with the very annoying Summer, who later shows up at Hoyt’s house with biscuits saying she’s his new girlfriend. Also, I think Tommy has the hots for Jessica, so lets see how that plays out.

Jesus, the cute nurse from Lafayette’s mother’s mental hospital, shows up at Merlotte’s to ask Lafayette out on a date. Even though Lafayette is working, he waits around the bar all day, and they play pool together afterward. They talk a lot and reveal secrets about each other. They have a make out session and they go back to Lafayette’s place. All of a sudden, the Meth dealers from Hotshot show up to kick Lafayette’s ass. But Lafayette and Jesus did most of the ass kicking. Bad thing- Jesus also found out that Lafayette is a drug dealer, and that meant an end to their date.

Jason wants to be a cop, but unfortunately he can only do deskwork around the police department for now. While he is beautifully shirtless and washing the patrol cars, he sees the beautiful and mysterious girl that he saw in the woods in Hotshot. He jumps in a patrol car and pulls her over, still with no shirt on! We find out that her name is Crystal and she is very hesitant to go out with Mr. Stackhouse for reasons unknown to all of human kind. He tells her to meet him at Merlotte’s. She shows up outside but wasn’t going to go in. The two then run around in the woods together and make out and dry hump and all that good stuff. However, she smells something (Were maybe?) and has to run for it. Jason shows up in Hotshot to see her, but one of the guys who tried to beat Lafayette up answered the bell. It turns out they are engaged. Jason is dying to find out something about her though and asks the guy he arrested a couple of episodes ago about her. Turns out Crystal is his cousin, and her fiancée is something to him as well, but he won’t tell Jason anymore unless he can get him some crystal meth. Jason goes to Lafayette looking for it and, together, they get a distressed call from Tara…

To be continued! 

True Bloody Love by Kate Jones - Episode 3.4 - 9 Crimes

Last night, after watching this episode, I liked it. This morning, after thinking about it for a while, I have decided that I loved it. I am not sure that I loved it as much as the first episode of the season, but I certainly loved it more than the last episode. Why, you ask? Well, this episode had a little bit of everything. It had plenty of Eric. It had a major reveal (kinda). It had a sexy dream sequence. It had boobs (no man ass this week). It had Pam. It had Hotshot. But the thing that made this episode the most awesome is that it had Debbie Pelt.

Club Dead Side Note: For those of you who read the books, how different is this Debbie from the one we meet at Josephine’s. Alcide’s Debbie in the books is a crazy, nasty bitch, without any doubt. But she is not addicted to V, she is not a member of the bad guys’ pack and she is not a werewolf. She is a werefox. She also does not get along with Alcide’s sister, Janice. Janice is also more of a good southern girl like Sookie, not a pseudo biker goth girl. The Debbie of the book just thinks that she’s better than everyone else, and she thinks that she can rule over Alcide while doing whatever she wants. Sookie kind of makes Alcide realize that he doesn’t have to do that. That makes Debbie angry, and CCDers, we do not like Debbie when she is angry!

But away from Debbie for now! Lets start this recap with the less exciting aspects of the show and move forward.

There is a lot of drama going on around Merlotte’s right now, though I’m not so sure I like any of it. Maybe it will eventually lead up to something good, but I just don’t know. Pregnant Arlene is storming around like the Gestapo, mad that she’s the only reliable waitress, and because her hormones are going kooky. Also, she hasn’t told Sam that she’s pregnant, though I am not sure why. Sam seems to be a pretty understanding boss and friend. He is even willing to let his white trash parents sleep in their van in his parking lot, even though he caught his brother trying to steal from him. Sam seems to sympathize with his brother, and when he finds him sleeping naked in the woods, they have a heart to heart. Sam tells him he knows that he didn’t have much of a chance with his parents and that he would be willing to help him out. He gives his birth family a place to live as long as they agree not to steal or drink. They agree.

Also, Sam hires Jessica to be Merlotte’s hostess (she can’t be a waitress because she isn’t 18! Hilarious!). Arlene isn’t happy about that because she likes being the only redhead, but whatever. Jessica also runs into a boy that she had gone to bible camp with. She glamours him into forgetting that he saw her, so that no one else from wherever they are from figures out that she is a vampire. Of course Hoyt sees her smiling and laughing at the boy and assumes that she is now dating him, or whatever, and this makes Hoyt sad.

Also, in or around Merlotte’s, Jason is feeling sorry for himself while he is watching the “fucktard” high school quarterback who is about to break Jason’s passing record. This made Jason start to feel like his existence wasn’t important. Of course, this is at the same exact time that the cops of Renard Parish are having a retirement party for Bud Dearborn, who names Andy Bellefleur his successor.

I actually really loved Jason’s exchange with the QB, Kitch Maynard, and his girlfriend Tammy. Jason goes on about how he would have made out with Tammy under the bleachers in his day, and how sooner or later, Kitch would realize that his record will only be broken in the future and he won’t always be able to get free beer and blowjobs… sorry, Tammy…everywhere he goes. Jason is reflecting on how he used to be and how he feels completely worthless now that he’s in his late 20’s and has accomplished nothing.

Of course, now that Andy is Sheriff, Jason decides to blackmail him into making him a deputy, without having to go through all the tests and paperwork that were driving him crazy in last week’s episode. It looks like Andy is probably going to go for this. Since Jason has the attention span of a goldfish, I think this is a good idea. It shouldn’t be long before he decides to follow a different path.

Now onto the important stuff. Everybody else’s storylines seem to be at least slightly intermingling.

After the fight in Lou Pine’s, Sookie is cleaning Alcide’s wound. You can see a lot of affection between these two already. She is tenderly cleaning the cut on his back and listening to how his fiancé left him and why he doesn’t understand it. It is at this moment that Sookie’s phone rang and we were given the best Bill and Sookie exchange ever.

Sookie: Bill, are you hurt. I know the werewolves have you.
Bill: Nobody has me. I have left my life in Bon Temps. And I am leaving you.
Sookie: Shut the fuck up. (Awesome delivery, Anna Paquin)
Bill: Sookie…
Sookie: The last time I saw you, you asked me to marry you.
Bill: You did us both a favor by NOT saying yes.
Sookie: You have to say that. Someone is listening.
Bill: Lorena, actually. To whom I have just made love.

Lorena: Ca Va, Sookie?

Bill: We fucked like only two vampires can. I didn’t hold back for fear of hurting her like I do with you. (Awesome delivery, Stephen Moyer!)

Sookie: Bill…

Bill: Look at your life since I entered it. I’ve only caused you pain.

Sookie: That’s not true.

Bill: I am death. I will bring you only suffering. Our worlds are too different, our natures too. We were doomed from the start.

Sookie: I don’t believe you.

Bill: Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me. Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found.

Okay, so lets dissect this a little bit. First of all, Sookie saying something like “Shut the fuck up.” was just hilarious. This is a girl who just said, “Holy S.” three episodes ago when she saw Eric super sexing Yvetta. Now here she is, totally shocked over the great love of her life breaking up with her, and she has no problem dropping an F-bomb.

Also, though Bill was pretty convincing, the whole time he seemed to be convincing himself that this was all for the best. We know he doesn’t mean most of what he says, but is he really doing all of this for his and Sookie’s good? Or is it all just to protect the queen? Obviously he doesn’t care about protecting Sophie-Anne so much, because he told King Russell that she is behind Eric selling V. I’m a little confused as to where all this is going.

Sookie starts crying after Bill hangs up with her and Alcide is comforting her, especially after hearing that Bill was her first love. Sookie comments on how warm Alcide is (werewolves run HOT! Yeah, baby!) and how she isn’t used to it, because vampires skin is so cold. For a minute, it looks like Alcide and Sookie are going to kiss, but they don’t. Instead, Alcide gets a shirt and stays in bed with Sookie to make her feel better. While in bed, Sookie gets a call from Tara, who is being glamoured by Franklin still. He is trying to get Tara to get Sookie to tell her where she is. Sookie doesn’t want to bother Tara, though, says she’s been through enough lately and hangs up. Franklin is annoyed, and Tara becomes unglamoured, but Franklin quickly catches her as she’s running and takes a bite out of her neck.

Next time we see Tara she is tied up in the bathroom, and it is daytime. Lafayette is calling to tell her that she can have his car because he’s driving the fancy new one that Eric gave him. Not for nothing, if I were Lafayette, I would be knocking down Sookie’s door looking for Tara, considering she just tried to kill herself. She should answer every call you make to her, crazy! Now, maybe she is sick of being called a hooker, but I don’t think that’s it! She has, once again, gotten herself in to some shit! Someone should be watching this girl on a constant basis!

Anyway, Franklin comes back for her, tells her he has been lonely but he won’t be anymore, now that he has her. He packs her up and brings her to King Russell’s house. Talbot calls her skinny… and that’s that for Tara and Franklin this episode. I guess it is safe to assume that he is working for Russell, but I wonder why.

Now back to Sookie’s bedroom in Alcide’s house. Sookie wakes up and Eric is floating outside her bedroom. Sookie is shocked to see him there and asks if all vampires can fly. Eric sarcastically asks if all humans can sing. Sookie replies, “Are you kidding? I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.” Eric smiles at her.

Now this is why I love Sookie. I love her innocence and her simplicity. I love that she isn’t really educated, but she is smart. I love that she can say things like that, or “save your drama for your mama” or “I don’t have a nutsac” and not seem like a totally clueless moron. She is not the perfect woman. She has flaws. She may not always say or do the right thing, but she is open-minded, and has good intentions and she is kind. She can love and she can be loved. She is not like that dumbass Bella from Twilight who is a total freaking victim all the time!

Anyway, Sookie lets Eric in and it is pretty obvious from the get go that this is a sexy dream sequence. I, however, thought it was going to be Sookie’s. She’s all sad about Bill and a nice dream about Eric should make her feel better, right? Anyway she starts telling him that he smells like the Ocean in the winter and Eric is looking at her with so much tender emotion I almost can’t believe that it is the same Eric Northman. She then pushes him down and disrobes (whoa, Anna Paquin has been working out!) and “says I’ve got skills you can’t even dream of cowboy.” Just as it seems as if they are about to do the nasty, Yvetta snaps ERIC out of it. That’s right! Eric was having sexy dreams about Sookie. I wish Eric would have sexy dreams about me!

Anyway, Sookie wakes up at Alcide’s and still wants to go find Bill, but Alcide wants no part of Debbie’s engagement party. Alcide does make a call to his sister, though, to help Sookie look the part. Janice looks like a total party girl, but she is so happy to see Sookie, hoping that Alcide is finally over Debbie. Sookie fishes around in Janice’s mind and finds out that Debbie is actually not engaged but is getting initiated in to the V addicted werewolf pack, and that she is also hooked on blood. Janice also makes Sookie look like a biker, Goth chick to fit in at Lou Pines a little better.

Sookie tells Alcide that Debbie is addicted to V, and convinces him that he could turn her around. When they get to the club, Debbie immediately recognizes Sookie as an outsider, and Alcide tells her that Sookie is with him. While she is obviously jealous of the Sookster, she is too wrapped up in her V addiction to really care. She tells Alcide that he should stay and watch as she gets branded. She is stripped and carried up to the stage where KING RUSSELL comes out and feeds all the werewolves his blood after talking to them in German. Then, she is branded with the Project Werewolf brand and Cooter (hehe Cooter), Debbie’s boyfriend, comes up, strips down and turns into a wolf. All of a sudden, everyone else starts turning too and Alcide tells Sookie to run for the hills.

Now lets go back to Bill a bit. After getting off the phone with Sookie, Lorena talks about how great their sex was, and Bill says that he’s glad that someone enjoyed it (ohhh, burn!). She goes on about how happy they will be now that they are together again, but Bill is pretty forward about the fact that he hates her. I think he shows this when he punches her in the face so hard that she went flying out of his room. He also burned his hands on the silver doors just so he could be rid of her.

Next, we see Bill talking to King Russell. He tells him that he was a procurer for Sophie-Anne but that he was on sabbatical in Bon Temps when he was dating Sookie. He also tells the king that Eric is dealing V and that he is pretty sure that it is at the behest of Sophie-Anne. The king thinks that this is great information to have on Sophie and Eric and that they should go celebrate. Bill first says that since he is risking his life for the king, the king needs to get rid of Lorena for Bill soon. The king looks kind of incredulous, but looks like he will give Bill what he wants.

Ohh, I almost forgot about Lafayette. After he left Tara a message, he took a ride in to 'Hotshot' to try to sell the V to the people who were arrested for drug dealing in Episode 2. We got another peak at Calvin and Crystal Norris, though they weren’t really identified. The Hotshot crew didn’t really want to work with Lafayette and attacked him, but Eric swept in to save the day. He also convinced them to buy the V before saying,

“That’s how you close the deal. Come on, RuPaul.”

Lafayette’s little satisfied smile was so funny after all that.

While they are driving, Eric gets a call from Pam who says that Fangtasia is being raided by the Magister and his cronies. They quickly find the hidden vampire blood. Pam thinks that Eric should make a run for it. Obviously, the king must have called something in right after Bill told him what was going on. Eric flies out of Lafayette’s car.

Lafayette: “Oh hell, how am I supposed to deal with this fuckedupness?”

Eric gets to Fangtasia, where the Magister is torturing Pam with silver for information (obvious example of Eric’s Den of Pleasure/Torture leaning towards the torture side). You can see that Eric is in pain watching his child hurt. Eric says that he is being set up, and Pam says that Bill Compton is the one setting them up. The Magister gives them two days to find evidence and prove it.

Bill is sent by King Russell to procure some dinner in a strip club. Bill finds a beautiful, lonely stripper girl and brings her out to the limo, where he, Russell and Lorena all chow down.

What did you guys think? How did you like this episode? Do you like where the season’s going? What do you think can possibly happen next?

I want to give some props to J. Bond who saw the bar name, Lou Pines, and saw the connection to the word lupine, which means, “wolf-like.” He also connected it to Harry Potter’s Professor Lupin. Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to compare any single life situation to Harry Potter so bravo, Jeff!

I will be back in a few weeks! Until then, enjoy True Blood!

True Bloody Love by Kate Jones - Episode 3.3 - It Hurts Me Too

***Editors Note: We saved this one for a while because of the off week for True Blood due to the 4th of July. We thought this would freshen you back up for Sunday's, all new, 4th episode of Season 4. Enjoy!!!

I’m sorry, fellow Blood lovers! I have been a very, very bad blogger. Unfortunately, my attention and detail to this episode was not as… attentive and detailed, I guess. But I did watch it, and I do know what was good and what was bad about it. This time I start with the least eventful things.

Arlene and Terry- The baby is most likely serial killer Rene’s, but Arlene didn’t tell Terry that!

Sam finally leaves his annoying family but they follow him to Bon Temps. This guy owns his own bar and some property, and it looks like his sleazy birth family want to take advantage of that.

Jason and Hoyt- Jason, after tackling a drug dealer in 'Hotshots', decides that he way want to become a cop. He is nervous about taking the test though, and has a dream where we glimpse a little bit of booty… you know the usual, “I’m nervous about something, so I am going to dream about me doing that something, only I am going to wind up naked while it is happening,” dream. Anyway, he wakes up from the dream to Hoyt screaming because he just found a dead, headless body in one of the ditches he was digging. We can only assume that that headless body belongs to…..

Jessica’s trucker! And we assume right. Fresh on the aftermath of having crazy, dirty sex with Tara, Franklin Mott shows up at the Compton house to give Jessica a gift- the trucker’s head! Now she owes him and he wants to know all about Bill and the Sookster.

Tara- after having the aforementioned sexcapade with creepy-as-hell Franklin, Tara is still sad about Eggs. Seriously, hooker, it’s been 3-5 days since your boyfriend was killed. You really needed to have 'feel better' sex before his body was in the ground? Anyway, Sookie wound up paying for a funeral for Eggs, and the two girls hug it out while mourning his death. Tara then goes to Merlotte’s and talks to Jason, who obviously still feels guilty about killing the guy… blah, blah, blah… get over it… The last we see of Tara, she is being glamoured by Franklin who wants to get in to Sookie’s house. Looks like Little Miss Jessica spilled the beans on something!

*Random side note: I am starting to think that maybe Eric hired Franklin to do some digging, since he clearly wants Bill out of the way. I have no idea though where they are going with this guy. It is totally different from the book.

OKAY- Now the continuation of the real story!

Sookie- Sookie shoots at the wolf that is in her house, but Eric takes the bullet, so that they can question wolfy. Once Eric starts bleeding, the wolf goes coo coo for Count Chocula (I made a funny cereal reference..hahah… no? Well, I tried.) and tries to get a taste of Eric’s yummy, Viking blood. Eric still is able to overpower the guy. Sookie looks in to the guys thoughts and hears something about Jackson, Mississippi. As soon as Sookie acknowledges that she heard something. Eric took a bite out of the wolf’s neck and killed that baddy mighty quick. You would think they would send someone a little stronger after a telepath who is completely protected by all things supernatural. Anyway, Eric and Sookie then bury the wolf in the cemetery and Eric acknowledges that he won’t be able to go to Jackson with Sookie to help her, saying it would be suicide for him. He wishes her luck.

Her luck appears while she is cleaning her house in the beautiful form of Alcide Hevereux. Alcide is a werewolf that was sent to Sookie by Eric for her protection. It turns out he owes Eric after Eric had helped Alcide’s dad out with some gambling debt. Alcide knows all about the werewolves in Jackson. They are a dangerous group and Alcide doesn’t care for them much, specifically because his longtime girlfriend recently left him for their leader.

*Random side: I cannot wait to meet Alcide’s girlfriend, the notorious Debbie Pelt. If you read the books, you know that this bitch is evil. I compare her to Professor Umbridge from the Harry Potter series. She isn’t the worst bad guy around, but you might just hate her more.

Sookie and Alcide go off to Jackson and a were bar called 'Lou Pines' where a werewolf tries to rape the hell out of a lunchy looking Sookie. Alcide saves the day and then finds out that Debbie is engaged to Coot. That’s right! The badass werewolf with the most ridiculous name for the female anatomy ever! Cooter! I laugh just thinking about this. Personally, I don’t know if I would be able to date a man named Cooter, even if he looked like Eric. I would just laugh a lot… Cooter, I say. How do they think of these things?

Sadly Eric was not in a lot of this episode after burying the werewolf in Sookie’s cemetery. We only got to see him giving Lafayette a beautiful new Bentley with the promises of Lafayette being a very rich man if he continues to sell Eric (and Sophie-Anne’s) V. I think I would do anything he asked, but that’s just me. (So here is a random Eric in bed shot for all my ladies!!!)

Now back to the King of Mississippi’s palace. Unfortunately, Lorena survives being burnt alive, but we all knew that would be the case. Russell tells Bill that Lorena wants Sookie dead and, if Bill doesn’t switch his allegiance, Russell will make that happen.

Bill then dreams of the last time he saw his wife, Caroline. She was in their home, mourning their son Thomas. When Bill cries over the death of his son, Caroline sees the blood. Lorena storms in and makes Bill glamour his wife to forget that he was there. She says that the only way to show a human you care about them is to stay away from them. Bill declares his loyalty to Russell so that he stops the werewolf hunt for Sookie. Lorena still wants to kill her, but Russell has the final say on this matter.

Now arguably the most disturbing sex scene ever is about to happen.

Bill, obviously hating on Lorena for making him a vampire in the first place, taking away Caroline and now Sookie from him, tells Lorena she got what she wanted from him again and she kisses him. Rather then push her off him, he pushes her to the bed and screws her brains out. He then twists her head and breaks her neck so that he isn’t looking at her face, and screams.



So did the Lorena and Bill sex surprise you? It was pretty intense. I mean I’ve heard of “hate sex” and “angry sex” but this kind of takes the cake, huh?

Well, I am going to do my very best to have episode 4’s recap up by mid-next-week. Episode’s 5 and 6 may have to wait because I will be taking my vacation to the West coast. Yes, I will finally being seeing the stars in Los Angeles, the beautiful desert skies in Palm Springs and experiencing the perfect weather in San Diego. Also, I will be attending a few days of the 2010 International Comic-Con. You know that I can’t wait for that! Do you think Alexander Skarsgard will be there? I sure hope so!!! Please leave your comments below!!!