Reality Check #6 by Kate Jones: The End Of The Spring TV Season

Well, the end of the Spring television season is upon us, so that means we have WINNERS all over the place… Let’s talk about who won some of our favorite reality shows!


The Amazing Race

Congratulations to Daniel & Jordan, the gay brothers! I don’t think anyone really expected them to win this, being against the cowboys and all, but they really turned it up in the final leg (in San Francisco). The cowboys finished second and the dating models finished third. At the very end there was some obvious bitterness by Carol and Brandy, the mean, dating lesbians. They were still insisting that the Cowboys should have been U-turned instead of them, which is a little stupid, considering the Cowboys didn’t win! Shut up and be gracious in defeat, mean ladies!!!! Congrats to Dan and Jordan. These guys were over-the-top ecstatic over winning this race!

America’s Next Top Model

Congratulations to Krista, who won in the finale over Raina. Both girls were great, but it came down to who had the better walk, I guess. I honestly thought that Raina had the better pictures, but I am not the expert! So, another year, and another pick of mine gets to finals and loses!

PS- Tyra, I hate you and your smiling face!

Dancing With the Stars

I don’t watch this much…if ever… but Nicole, the Pussycat Doll, won. Are you surprised? Yeah, me neither.

American Idol

The right two went to the finale, but the wrong person one. I am sorry. Lee DeWyze is wonderful, but Crystal Bowersox is better. But since I didn’t vote, I have no right to complain. Keep that in mind when the next election cycles come up for your government officials!

Celebrity Apprentice

Bret Michaels wins!!! YAYY! The only person that I wanted to win a reality show that actually won! For a reality maven, I really had a shitty record this season! Anyway, he beat Holly Robinson-Peete who did an amazing job for her HollyRod Foundation for Autistic Kids (Bret’s money went to Diabetes research). I highly recommend giving to either one of these amazing charities, or you can donate to the Autism Walk that I am doing on June 13 at the South Street Seaport!

The Biggest Loser

I love the Biggest Loser finale! Seeing these people love almost 50% of their bodyweight is a totally amazing thing! Congratulations to Mike, for winning the money and the title of Biggest Loser, but also, great job Ashley and Daris for making it that far and looking as AMAZING as you did. Also, congratulations to all the people who lost so much weight at home and to Koli who won the At Home prize.

Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains

Well, just as expected, Russell and Parvati went to the finals but Russell made the serious mistake of bringing someone who he didn’t think was a threat to him in Sandra Diaz-Twine. He didn’t realize some of the moves Sandra was making and perceived her lack of physicality as total weakness. She had an immunity idol, she tried play after play to get Russell out and she made the move after Rob was eliminated to get rid of Coach. That being said, I am not sure that Sandra was the most deserving. I think Parvati is awesome. Dangerous, yes. Sneaky, yes. But awesome, nonetheless. Russell won the at home prize for the second time and was bitching about how America should have a vote in who wins Survivor… pure idiocy coming from the troll-like sore loser. If you don’t like the rules, don’t play the game!!!! Either way, it was the BEST season of Survivor that I can remember watching in full. Brilliance!!

Coming Up This Summer

I have promised Jeff Bond that I would watch Jerseylicious. I have been avoiding this, but am going to start sometime this week. You will be exposed to the recaps, and I’m sorry in Advance.

BIG BROTHER!!!!!! Until I am a teacher, this will remain to be the best thing about my summer! This show gets me going even more then Survivor. It starts in the beginning of July and is on 3 days a week! I can’t wait for another summer of backstabbing and showmancing and slop and silly challenges and twists! I am bursting with excitement, people!

I will also be watching Hell’s Kitchen. I usually tend to avoid The Bachelorette, America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance and Last Comic Standing, but if you would like me to take a look at something, please let me know!

Rest in Peace:

I just want to take a minute and say goodbye to some of the shows that I watch that have been cancelled: Flash Forward, Heroes, Cold Case, Law and Order, and Mercy.

I think that all of these shows had a great premise. Heroes just faded out at the end- a victim of bad writing. Flash Forward just couldn’t get the ratings, even though it had a very good premise! Cold Case was a great crime show, but just wasn’t as good as the others in its genre and the same goes for Mercy (which had a great cliff hanger to end the season that I unfortunately will never see resolved) Its been 20 seasons for Law and Order, tying the record that Bonanza set for longest running TV drama. It may get picked up by another network like TNT just to allow it to break the record.

Note: Did anyone see Jimmy Kimmell after the LOST finale? I guess I wasn’t the only person imagining a LOST/Survivor merger!

Reality Check #5 by Kate Jones

A few years ago I could care less about keeping up with much television. I picked a few shows that I thought were worth keeping up with, like Alias and Lost, but I cared more about being social (code- I was going out and getting drunk with my friends). Then in 2005, I met my future husband Rich, which awoke a sweeping desire to stay home more often. Still, we didn’t watch anything consistently (except Lost- don’t worry, Goldblum!) until the heavenly day when we moved into our own apartment and got…DVR! With this handy device, Rich and I slowly started watching anything that piqued our interest. We would watch Survivor when we were home and it was on, so now we taped Survivor. Same with Amazing Race and the Biggest Loser. Our summer belongs to Big Brother. When we’re bored, we watch MTV and VH1 Reality. It has come to a point where this stuff ALMOST outweighs the comedy and drama that we have always loved. Now lets get to this weeks most entertaining moments in reality TV!!!

Reality Rundown!

Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains: Boston Rob is gone! The Dragon Slayer is gone! Courtney (the sassy New York Waitress that weighs less then my pinky toe) is gone! Parvati has an immunity idol that only Danielle knows about and Russell has an immunity idol that J.T. gave him (moron) that Danielle, Parvati and the entire Heroes team knows about.

And tonight is the merge….and though I’m totally convinced that I am writing this for myself, let’s go over the remaining players in order by the damage they can do and their chances of winning.

Russell- The Survivor Villain (Past runner up)
Parvati- The Queen of Survivor (Former winner)
Amanda- Survivor’s Sweetheart (Two runner up finishes)
J.T.- The New Survivor Good Guy (former winner)
Colby- The Original Survivor Good Guy (past runner up)
Danielle- Three’s a Crowd Survivor (former (past runner up)
Rupert- Pirate with a Big Mouth Survivor (Fan Favorite Winner)
Candice- “I’m Still Here?” Survivor
Sandra- “I can plant a Russell seed, too” Survivor (Former winner)
Jerri- “I used to be a bad ass” Survivor

Honestly, I have no idea what is going to happen tonight. I think it should be obvious that Russell is in an alliance with Parvati to the Heroes right away. Also, Sandra will be able to inform her old buddy, Rupert, as to what’s been happening over at the Villains camp. Hopefully, J.T. smartens up and gets his immunity idol back one way or another. The best-case scenario for EVERY Hero is to get rid of Russell, or his little alliance will go a long way. If I were Danielle though, I would watch out. She is way too opinionated for Russell’s good. If I were Russell, I would watch out, because he is taking way too much credit for what he is doing with Parvati, and she doesn’t like it (made obvious by the fact that she didn’t tell him about the immunity idol).  Watch out for Candice- Things may start looking up. Look for my reaction on tonight’s episode later this week!

Celebrity Apprentice: I was all for Annie Duke last time and this time, I want Maria Kanellis! This girl is awesome. Hopefully it isn’t a total fix like last season where Sharon Osbourne is the new Joan Rivers.

Biggest Loser: Still inspirational, but largely boring. Same cookie cutter episodes as every other season.

Amazing Race: Sorry, mean lesbians. The dumb models finally got you. Stop being bitter and learn that when you are horrible to people, eventually you will get your come-uppance. Only a few teams left!

American Idol: Seriously, this season is just a formality. Crystal Bowersox is fantastic and if America doesn’t keep her, then clearly we are as dumb as every other country thinks we are.

That’s all, reality lovers.  See ya next time... happy viewing!!!

Reality Check Vol. # 4 by Kate Jones

A few years ago I could care less about keeping up with much television. I picked a few shows that I thought were worth keeping up with, like Alias and Lost, but I cared more about being social (code- I was going out and getting drunk with my friends). Then in 2005, I met my future husband Rich, which awoke a sweeping desire to stay home more often. Still, we didn’t watch anything consistently (except Lost- don’t worry, Goldblum!) until the heavenly day when we moved into our own apartment and got…DVR! With this handy device, Rich and I slowly started watching anything that piqued our interest. We would watch Survivor when we were home and it was on, so now we taped Survivor. Same with Amazing Race and the Biggest Loser. Our summer belongs to Big Brother. When we’re bored, we watch MTV and VH1 Reality. It has come to a point where this stuff ALMOST outweighs the comedy and drama that we have always loved. Now lets get to this weeks most entertaining moments in reality TV!!!

Survivior: Heroes Vs. Villains

It was awful. I knew it was coming, but that didn’t make me feel better. My man, my hero, Boston Rob was booted when the insecure Jerri sided with Russell and the “honorable” Coach voted with no one. I understand Jerri’s reasoning. She didn’t trust Rob. He was a dirty player the last time he played. But here’s what I don’t understand. Why do you trust Russell?

Here’s a bit of background on Russell. He was the runner-up on Survivor: Samoa, the 19th season which aired right before this one. Ironically. Heroes vs. Villains was also taped in Samoa, on the very same camps that Russell and Co. were living on last season. Not only that, but Samoa didn’t air before Heroes and Villains started taping, which means that all of the heroes and villains taking part in Season 20 never saw how this guy worked. I don’t think that this is particularly fair, but that’s probably just because I frigging hate him. Instead, I will explain it the way Rob did to Dalton Ross over at EW during his exit interview. Out of all the seasons of survivor, and all of the crazy villains that we’ve seen, this guy was picked for the show. He must be a real villain. Rob knew it. How come the rest of them didn’t? Well, guys, because Russell is awesome at this game.

With Rob gone, the Heores are starting to look a lot better. Candice, Colby, J.T., Amanda and Rupert are looking pretty good right now. The Villains need to be worried. As of right now, they are about to weed off the rest of Rob’s alliance, unless, of course, Jerri realizes that Parvati, Russell and Danielle actually hate her. In that case, Russell still stays, because they are going to be crazy worried about physicality at challenges. Right now is the perfect time for Parvati and Danielle to make a girl alliance with Sandra and Courtney. Yes, they both suck, but they hate Coach and Jerri after this week and will probably do anything to stay in the game until after the merge.

I am excited for this week’s episode. Even with my boy gone, I think it’s going to play out pretty awesome.

Some other quick bits:

Jersey Shore: The cast is in Miami and will start taping Season 2 and MTV is starting to cast Season 3. Go get them, guidos!

Frank the Entertainer In A Basement Affair: Congrats to Kerry from Brooklyn on winning Frank’s heart. Perhaps though I should congratulate her more on losing him three days later. While I believe that Frank is good TV, no girl in her right mind should want to be with him. He sucked New York’s toes! Here’s to Kerry getting her own show and making it big. I’ve heard good things about her, and hope she gets the best!

American Idol: Is it even possible for Crystal not to win this season? That girl can sing!

The Amazing Race: The Cowboys are the first team ever to have gone from last place to first place while having an extra task to do. They are fabulous. Goodbye, Steve and Allie, you will be missed!

Celebrity Apprentice: Rod Blagojevich and Selita Ebanks got to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I am jealous, but will talk more about this reality show in my newest column called “Stuck in Little Whinging” coming soon!

Remember- Become a Follower of C-C-D on twitter and on the actual blog page. Just click the tabs to the right for BOTH of them... please!!!  It means a lot to all of us... see you next week!

Reality Check #3 by Kate Jones

It’s been a while, people, and for that I am truly sorry. When I thought to myself I could be a reality TV blogger, I forgot the many other necessary but significantly less fun obligations in my life… like work and school. Alas, my time is limited, but I have decided that I would come in here for those of you who care and give you a quick recap of some of the things going on over in reality land.




The Biggest Loser

So far this season has been extremely satisfying on the weight front. All of the men have been losing massive amounts of weight. Sam and Koli (Samoan cousins) are barely even overweight anymore, In fact, Sam is kind of hot! The girls are starting to lose like crazy too, though at a significantly slower rate then the men. My heart is with Stephanie that seemed to plateau around 208, but then lost 9 lbs to finally go below the 200 lb mark. As someone who has struggled with my weight for my entire adult life (thanks a lot beer and fried stuff), I know the frustration of working hard and not seeing results. For me, though, that means eating a brownie and laying on my couch to catch up on The Rock of Love Bus. It inspires me to see these girls not give up!

Next week, the eliminated players are coming back and I am guessing that one of them will return to the show. Previews seem to be hinting at Melissa, this season’s sad excuse for a villain. Ironically, this past week, the blue team eliminated her husband Lance, because he was feeling doubt and guilt over the fact that he was on the ranch and she wasn’t. Won’t it be ironic if she comes back?

The Amazing Race

Bye, Jeff and Jordan! I will miss you guys! My Big Brother favorites finally said good-bye this week on Race. They are so completely adorably dumb, that all I wanted to do was reach into the TV and help them. Unlike Brent and Catie (dating models) who are just mean and dumb. The remaining teams are the Middle Age Detectives, the Dating Lipstick Lesbians, the Baseball Coach Father and his Daughter, the Gay Brothers, The Cowboys (!!), and the dumb, but attractive Dating Models. I have no idea how this race is going to wind up. Honestly, I hope the Cowboys or Detectives take this thing. With Jeff and Jordan gone, I am now left to root for people to lose. I’m sorry, Dating Lesbians, but I just think you are catty and mean. I hope you lose and can’t spend all your money on Louis Vuitton bags.

Undercover Boss

If you need a good cry, watch this show. It’s nice to think that somewhere in this world, a corporate big wig cares about what his employees think. The Churchill Downs episode was great, as was the Hooters one. As a lover of all things Buffalo Wings (where is my application for Biggest Loser again?), I really loved watching what goes on behind the scenes at a Hooters. I also loved it when CEO Coby Brooks saw one of his managers, Jimbo, make the girls have a mouths only bean-eating contest. A man in power should never be able to treat any woman like those girls were treated. It was humiliating for them. Unfortunately, Coby was a little too easy on Jimbo and let him keep his job. I would have had him on dumpster, dishes and toilet duty from now until he dies! I also would have allowed each of those girls to kick him in the balls, once a day until each of them got a shot!

Who Do You Think You Are?

I didn’t get the chance to watch the whole show, but everything I have seen so far has been extremely interesting. I am a history geek, so seeing these people track their way through history is very interesting to me. Give it a shot if you are home on a Friday night!

Frank the Entertainer’s In a Basement Affair

I need to catch up on this show as soon as humanly possible. I can’t get me enough, Frank! Or Dyker Heights!

…..and last, but certainly not least…

SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS

All I have to say is, thank you, Mark Burnett! Thank you, Jeff Probst! Thank you, Survivor Big Shots and CBS executives! Thank you for putting Boston Rob and Russell together on the same island to fight for $1,000,000!

So much has happened! The Great Cirie Blindside of 2010 was a sad but necessary move for the Heroes to make. The girl is dangerous, and has friends on the other side! Smart move, country boy JT! I didn’t think you had it in you. This week also had the most amazing “pep talks” between Coach and Tyson and Coach and Rob.

Coach was feeling a little down on himself after Sandra called him out for not doing as much work around the camp. He went off to sulk and asked Tyson why people don’t like him. Tyson said I’ll help you out, buddy, just stop wearing feathers in your hair, stop telling your stories that no one believes and do your tai chi in private. This seems a little too hard for Coach to handle until Boston Rob told him that he is completely safe in their alliance and to stop crying and act like a man. This made Coach happy. He just wanted the cool kid’s acceptance.

A short aside about Boston Rob- I LOVE HIM! Thank you, Jaime Palazzi, for getting me to watch Survivor All Stars way back in 2004! My life has never been the same. Anyway, I think marriage and parenthood has done well by Rob. Everyone on that tribe wants his love and acceptance… except Russell, Danielle and Parvati. Back to that later.

Anyway, the week after Cirie left, James, the biggest, must muscley Survivor ever, went down hard and hurt his knee. What would this mean for the floundering Heroes? Certainly they would have to send James home! Nope, not so much. They got rid of Tom, the fireman from Brooklyn and my second most favorite survivor ever. It made sense for the Alliance of James, Amanda and Rupert, but made no sense for Candice and JT who had switched their votes the week before to save the Tom and Colby alliance. The decision to send Tom home seems even more stupid after watching the latest episode. Also, this week, Russell found the Hidden Immunity Idol, and his entire tribe knows it! This guy loves his idols!

So going in to this week’s episode, the heroes were slowly dying, and their strongest competitor has a bum knee. The villains are storming ahead, but Russell and Rob are waiting for the first opportunity to get rid of the other.

So, the tribes go to their challenge and Jeff announces that both tribes are going to tribal council and that only one person from each tribe will be immune. The heroes do their challenge first and Candice wins immunity. Good for you, Candice. Amanda was gunning for you this week, so you probably needed it. The Villains go next and, of course, the puzzle master, Rob, wins immunity! No matter what Russell tried, there is no getting rid of Rob this week. Rob and Candice face off against each other for a food reward and Rob wins that as well. The Villains now get to eat hot dogs and drink soda while watching the Heroes at Tribal Council.

The Heroes go back to their camp and Colby says that he knows that he is going to be sent packing, so he is not going to scramble around for votes. He just wants to enjoy his last day on the island. The tribe talks over whether they should send Colby or James… because James’s big muscley ass just can’t pull his own weight around camp with a bad knee… and he’s eating all the bananas! Well, it seems pretty cut and dry, right? JT and Candice got rid of a perfectly good competitor in Tom last week to keep the bum knee banana eater there. They would certainly keep him again and get rid of Colby, right? Wrong, the entire tribe got rid of James and it didn’t even seem to be a blind side. Amanda wouldn’t be able to do that to James. Not only that, but he was joking about getting drunk when he was leaving, instead of wanting to kill somebody. Good editing, Survivor editors!

Now back to the Villains and the much more interesting portion of the show. This was without question the most interesting strategic moving I have ever seen. The genius of Russell and Rob is incredible to watch. They out maneuvered each other constantly and Rob came with a 99% foolproof plan to get rid of either Russell or Parvati.

Rob and his crew (everyone besides Russell, Parvati and Danielle) decide to vote out Parvati, but make Russell believe that it will be him, so he uses the idol. Russell can see that Rob is playing him a bit and decides that he would give Parvati the idol and they would get rid of Tyson, who they think is Rob’s strongest ally (physically they are probably right). Rob, though, was not born yesterday. He knew that it would be possible for Russell to give Parvati the idol, so he came up with a perfect plan. I call it perfect, because if the six people in Rob’s alliance followed the plan, Parvati or Russell would definitely be going home. Rob said that three of them, Sandra, Tyson and himself, would be voting for Russell and three of them, Courtney, Coach and Jerri, would vote for Parvati. Then, if Russell, Danielle and Parvati vote for ANYBODY, it forces a three-way tie. Here are the possibilities of what could have and should have happened had there been a three-way tie:

1. No idol is played. There is a revote. Rob’s crew votes out Russell.
2. Parvati plays the idol. There is a revote. Rob’s crew votes out Russell.
3. Russell plays the idol. There is a revote. Rob’s crew votes out Parvati.

Do you see what I was saying? Foolproof. Foolproof but not Tysonproof. Right before they go to Tribal Council, Russell tells Tyson that he knows that he can’t save Parvati, so he is going to vote for her as to not upset the people he needs to go back to camp with. By saying this to Tyson…

1. Russell got some confirmation that Parvati was the target, making it easier to give her the idol.
2. It made Tyson think that if he switched his vote to Parvati, there would be no chance of his own alliance turning on him and getting rid of him. He was PETRIFIED of the planned tie.

So they get to Tribal Council, and Russell, while eye-humping her, gives his idol to Parvati, because he wants to play a loyal game. Rob and Co. still looked confident. They show the votes. Parvati gets 4 votes, but is immune. Russell gets 2 votes and Tyson gets 3 votes, sending him home in what was, in my opinion, the dumbest move in Survivor history. Rob looked astounded! He also looked like he was going to kill somebody. Well played, Russell! You went after the weak link and it worked, but now… there is no idol to save you from the wrath of team Rob. Unless Survivor puts one into play next week and completely breaks my heart.

So that’s all for now, reality lovers. Do you have a show that you want me to check out? Let me know here on C-C-D or follow me on twitter @kcjones501.Make sure you take the time to click the FOLLOW button in the right hand margin and become a Follower of C-C-D by signing in using Gmail, AOL, Etc. Enjoy your week!!!

Reality Check Vol #1 by Kate Jones

A few years ago I could care less about keeping up with much television. I picked a few shows that I thought were worth keeping up with, like Alias and Lost, but I cared more about being social (code- I was going out and getting drunk with my friends). Then in 2005, I met my future husband Rich, which awoke a sweeping desire to stay home more often. Still, we didn’t watch anything consistently (except Lost- don’t worry, Goldblum!) until the heavenly day when we moved into our own apartment and got…DVR! With this handy device, Rich and I slowly started watching anything that piqued our interest. We would watch Survivor when we were home and it was on, so now we taped Survivor. Same with Amazing Race and the Biggest Loser. Our summer belongs to Big Brother. When we’re bored, we watch MTV and VH1 Reality. It has come to a point where this stuff ALMOST outweighs the comedy and drama that we have always loved.

All of that being said, we watch reality television solely for entertainment. It is intriguing to watch groups of people, most who have never met each other, in various situations that show what they will do with money or fame on the line. The lying, the cheating, the stealing, the hiding, the fighting, the physical strain, the plastic surgery… these people will do almost anything!

2/26/10

As today is a snow day, I should be using my time to read a huge book about Abraham Lincoln for one of my Graduate School classes, but instead I decided to mull over last night’s episode of “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.”

This season of “Survivor” is currently shaping up to be one of my favorite seasons yet. For those of you who don’t know, the “Heroes vs. Villains” season brings back some of the greatest survivors ever and separates the tribes into the people that were perceived as fan favorites and the most hated villains. Before last night, the Villains were basically running all over the Heroes in Elimination challenges, even though the Heroes seem to be the more put together team. The Heroes have team players all over the place, namely Tom the Fireman from Brooklyn (the winner from Palau) , Colby the Runner Up from Australia (Season 2) and James the HUGE gravedigger who, despite having two Immunity Idols in his pocket when he was voted out, is one of the most popular castaway’s ever. The Villains have Boston Rob, who can make fire from snapping his fingers. Okay, maybe not, but I love him anyway. Boston Rob is single-handedly trying to hold together the Villains on the home front and has led them to two Immunity Challenge wins. The man, even with Samoan flu, is a leader.

The first week, the Heroes voted out “Sugar” Kipper. Was anyone surprised about this? She isn’t very good at challenges and she had no long standing alliances within the tribe. While entertaining, Sugar was no big loss to this season. Week two, we saw some DRAMA at tribal council and a major schism in the Heroes tribe. On one side we had Tom, Colby and Stephanie. On the other side, we had Amanda, Rupert and James. Somewhere in the middle, sort of lingering, was J.T., Candice and Cirie (I can’t read this lady… she may still be working with Amanda even though Amanda cost her a million bucks on “Fans vs. Favorites“). Tom and Co. wanted to get rid of Amanda (one of the strongest strategic players) while James and Co. wanted to get rid of Stephanie (one of the strongest physical females). J.T and his group of misfits sided with James and we said goodbye to Stephanie.



Last night’s episode could’ve been awesome. It had all the makings of an incredible blindside and then… nothing happened. Well, that’s not true. Russell Hantz of Samoa, the self proclaimed best survivor ever, buried his team’s machete just to stir up some discontent. Last season, he burned people’s socks and spilled water. It worked last season with the morons that he was cast with, but will it work on some of the sneakiest and awesome survivors ever? So far, yes, but I think Boston Rob will catch up to him soon!

Some other small things. Coach talking about his awesome survivor skills is always entertaining. I love when he talks about being taken captive by natives, but even more I love when he chants while doing yoga. And when he wears feathers in his hair. I love feathers.

Rob making the very clever observation that you can tell who is in an alliance by the way they sleep at night. Even if this isn’t 100% accurate all the time, it sure was when they were filming this. I wonder how Russell’s wife feels about him snuggling up to Parvati and Danielle in more then just a “I need to get warm” kind of way.

Also, I love seeing J.T. get a little sneaky. He doesn’t trust Candice, so he’s going to make the powerful people not trust Candice either. The good ole boy gone bad is fun to watch!

Now, the important stuff. The immunity challenge was great and totally physical. The tribes had to pick one person at a time to go up against someone from the other team. Each person had a bag that they needed to keep both hands on at all times and use it to push their opponent into the mud. The Heroes murdered the Villains. By murdered, I mean they won every single one-on-one match up. Yes, there were a few close ones and it saw a little bit of drama after the strapping James threw his bag at the much older and flabbier Randy while he was laying in the mud. Also, Coach celebrating like crazy while Jeff Probst was trying to tell him that they had to do his competition over because he had one of his hands off the bag and then getting thrown in by Rupert rather quickly was fabulous!

Anyway, the Villains were going to their first tribal council. Randy, knowing that he was the low man on the tribal totem pole, decided that now was the time to make a huge move to take out the scariest person on the Villain’s tribe. That person is Parvati Shallow.

If you have never seen or heard Parvati and had never watched Survivor, then you wouldn’t get what I am saying. The girl is brilliant, beautiful, physical and knows how to get what she wants. She was the winner of Micronesia: Fans vs. Favorites, so she has already won a million bucks courtesy of “Survivor.” Parvati already has an alliance with Russell, which seems to be pretty strong. The guy’s irises turn into little hearts every time she walks within a yard of him. The problem is every guy lights up when she pays attention to them. The girl knows how to charm, and Randy told them all, if you don’t get this girl out before the merge, she is going to swing her hips to another final tribal council. For a little bit, people seemed to be listening to him. Jerri definitely wanted her gone. Coach seemed to, even though he did back flips when she would acknowledge his existence this episode too. It would’ve been the smart thing, because as Randy said, Parvati’s buddies Amanda and James are running the show at Heroes camp and if they don’t get rid of her before the merge, “it will be Micronesia 2.0.” If I was on the Villains tribe, Randy would’ve had me. Even though he is thoroughly unlikable, the guy is right.

Alas, no matter what anyone else might have been thinking, not one person voted to get rid of Parvati. Even Randy wrote down Boston Rob, as what Randy called a warning to what would happen by keeping her in the game. Randy went home, and what could’ve been a brilliant move by the Villains never happened.

So that was it for this week on “Survivor.” Any other fans out there, or am I writing this bad boy for myself? Either way, I’ll be back again soon!