Why DC Fucked Up Green Lantern... Or How To Piss Away 300 Million Bucks & Alienate Fanboys Everywhere

I went to see 'Green Lantern' on opening day Friday, and it took me a few days to write this article. I went to see it with my son Mikey, and I wanted to like it. Hell, I wanted to love it. I wanted it to be the best superhero movie of the summer, maybe the best all time. I love Ryan Reynolds, Nolan has only one more Batman movie left, and DC is eons behind Marvel in the movie adaptation department and I would like to see some parody. I left the movie satisfied, entertained and overall content. But the more I think about it.....

... the more I can see all the movies faults and I become enraged that DC did it again. Why? How? Is it possible for one group of people to fuck up so many times? On paper this is perfect. We have technology today that can bring aliens alive and create the universal wide appeal of the Lantern comic books. Worlds, aliens, and space are child's play to create nowadays. Next you got Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan/Green Lantern. Great choice for a fearless/arrogant prick that Hal used to be in the books. Then the stills and cast announcements came out, one better then the next. Great actors like Peter Sarsgaard, Tim Robbins, and Mark Strong in the supporting cast. Voices from Michael Clarke Duncan and Geoffrey Rush for the alien lanterns. Sexy ass Blake Lively as the love interest/eye candy. Everything LOOKED wonderful. Accurate. A sure to be homerun. Then the movie really came out. No homerun here... a single at best.

I'd put my power ring on this one for sure... fuck Beyonce!!!!

Why? Why has it happened again? How can DC have gotten it wrong? It all lies in the plot details of the movie. Everyone looks and acts the parts well. From Reynold's dickish portrayal of Hal to the awesomeness that was the Lantern home planet of Oa and all the alien Lanterns... they got the look right. But the story and details are all ridiculous and nonsensical to the point of making my head hurt. Want proof. Here is my top 5 gaffes that prevent Green Lantern from being anything more then a middle of the pack superhero movie.

1. The ring is suppose to be used by a fearless man. A guy who can master emotions better then anybody. Throughout the whole movie, Jordan displays fear. Over and Over again. Even when he is successfully being Green Lantern... this is just unexplainable.
2. Parallax is the stupidest superhero movie villain ever. He is unstoppable... yet Abin Sur stopped him. But then Abin Sur couldn't stop him a second time, even after he had been imprisoned for mad long and was probably weaker then their first meeting. Then, instead of following Sur to Earth to finish him, he just floats off and does some random bad guy destroying of worlds. He defeats anyone who tries to fight him, including what was supposed to be the BEST OF THE BEST Lanterns in the whole Corps. Yet when he fights Hal Jordan on Earth, he gives him breaks to regroup and even allows him to get his ring back from Hammonds. He is then held off by the inexperienced GL Jordan, even though Sinestro & the other Lantern All Stars could do nothing with him. Then he is tricked like a 5 year old to get sucked into a sun. C'mon. This entity that is so strong, flies through space for years on end, is a scourge to the entire universe, and has killed some of the best Lanterns ever known just gets tricked to kill himself... just liked that? That is weak. WEAK!!!!
3. Only the ring's owner can use the ring. Shit... even Reynolds had trouble getting the ring to work initially!!! How the fuck did Hammonds get to put it on an use it? How come Jordan couldn't summon it back to him? How come??? Tell me... SAY IT!!! SAY IT!!! (Sam Kinison voice). Its things like this that bother me. Taking liberties with the mythos. Why? It's not like the pros aren't involved in this movie making process. Geoff Johns & tons of other DC bigwigs are producers and writers on this movie. Why deviate from 50 YEARS worth of continuity for NO REASON WHATSOEVER? I am curious myself....
4. Sinestro falls from grace and then becomes tempted by the Yellow side of the force (hehehe) in the comic books. But not here. He is not the same iron willed hard ass he was in the comics, willing to kill in the name of order. In the movie he is at best semi-insubordinate. He is the REAL HERO in this movie. He is the one who wants to fight Parallax, defend Oa and the universe, and be the best Green Lantern he can be. He has no reason to put on the yellow ring at the end... yet he does it anyway. Why? To set up a sequel that might not even happen due to the underwhelming success this movie may see at the box office. they should have showed him losing his grip on right and wrong.. slipping to the "Dark Side" so to speak. But instead we see a mediocre hero in Hal Jordan get all the glory and the true hero of the movie turn bad for no reason whatsoever. Thanks.
5. The plot must have been written by a 7 year old. Doesn't DC have anybody checking this before hand? It starts at the beginning with Ferris Air testing out drones fighter jets (no pilots) against THEIR OWN BEST PILOTS in an attempt to secure a contract to make more drones. Couldn't Ferris's pilots (Jordan & Lively) just throw the challenge to get the contracts? Why would the Army agree to these ludicrous conditions? They wouldn't. Then the company is gonna fold, and its all Jordan's fault... but then it's OK!!!! And now we are having a party... cause Ferris got the contract!!! Wait... what? How the fuck... this is just one example. How about Hector's ever expanding head and extreme sweating problem? No one saw a change in the bio-geeks demeanor BEFORE he became a full blown super villain? And Parallax can defeat the best of the best GL's ever, but he comes to Earth and only manages to kill a handful of civilians and destroy 1 warehouse? Then he loses to the new guy? WTF!!!! No to mention, how the fuck did Parallax get out of the prison Abin Sur put him in initially? He broke the Green prison he was in, THEN killed the three aliens to gain some power. If he could break the Green prison, why did he wait so long? Things like this are frustrating and annoying... and to be frank, have no place in a movie that is being made for 300 MILLION dollars.

Listen... the movie was not all bad. It was fun. My son loved it. I had a good time. It's just sad that it's downfall comes from things that are so easy to fix. I mean, you get the look of the aliens/outer space worlds right, your cast is awesome, you get a decent story arc together... and then you blow it over minor details and impossible scenarios? Why? This one had tons of potential... but falls way short of that potential. DC better hope Nolan kills Batman 3 (he most definitely will) and Zack Snyder gets the Superman franchise back on track (one can hope), or else their movie business days may be short lived. We shall see. I am not saying not to go and see 'Green Lantern'. Just make sure you check out better movies like 'X-Men: First Class' & 'Thor' first.

A Typical E-mail Convo Between Jeff Bond, Joe Esq, & Mike D... Priceless

This was just one of the 50 or so emails a day that gets bounced between Jeff Bond, Joe Esq, Tommy L, Brianna, Joe F, KMG, Kate Jones, Glen Garcia, myself and many others about some cool shit that we saw on the net... honestly, this is the exact reason I started CCD in the first place. I would come across all this cool shit, so I had to share it with like minded (see above) people that I know. After the emails started to top 100 a day (with everyones reponses) I decided to just centralize the majority of them. Thats how CCD was born. Anywho, this particular email was about a Star Wars/Star Trek mashup tee shirt over at CCD's favorite tee shirt company, TeeFury.

Milleniumterprise

Now, I instantly wanted to die when I saw this. I am not a Trek hater (not really), but I damn sure don't want to be mashing it up with the Wars. To quote friend of CCD Dan Fogler in FanBoys "We don't hock the Trek here... we keep this here phaser in stock to sus out Trekkie bitches like yourselves and tell them to get the hell off our land. Get the hell off of our land... GET THE HELL OFF OF OUR LAND!!!"

So, I digress... here is how the email between Jeff, Joe, and myself went:

• Jeff: For the nerd who can't choose between "Wars" & "Trek"
• Joe Esq: C'mon now... if you can't choose between the two, are you really a nerd?
• Jeff Bond: Geek???
• Joe Esq: Nah. I would say the first step to becoming either is the decision to like one of the two over the other.
• Mike D: You are not a Geek or a Nerd if you like the "Trek" over Star Wars... Ur just a dick!!!
• Joe Esq: I wish that was a Facebook Status... I'd "like" it.

Hehehehe... just a bit of an insight into us geeking out. This goes on all day. Jeff usually introduces a topic innocently enough, Joe Esq usually hates on it, and then I swoop in at the end and try to be as hateful and demeaning as possible... nah, I'm just kidding. It's all in fun. To be honest, if they wanted to mashup the Falcon with anything accepatble, I would go with this design (which was also found and emailed  by Jeff Bond):


Millenium Lee... nice!

Now thats something we Star Wars fans here at CCD can get behind. Just wanted to give you a glimpse into the creative process we go through. It may not seem like much, but its how we get things done. So lets get your opinions in the comments below: Are you guys die hard Trekkies or Down With The Force? Let us here your opinions below.

Dan Fogler: From Fanboy To Movie Director/ Comic Book Creator

We caught up with Dan Fogler on the second day of The 2010 Big Apple Comic Con because he was unable to make the opening night due to arrival times from LA. I happened to be at the con on a second day just as a fan with my son Mikey, but when I saw Fogler I had to get a few minutes on camera with him for you guys. I have liked Fogler since the first time I saw him as Randy Daytona in Balls of Fury (hysterical... Christopher Walken in a Fu-Manchu outfit...priceless) and continued to make us laugh in Good Luck Chuck and Fanboys. He has a new film project, which he makes his directorial debut, is entitled Hysterical Psycho. I scored a signed copy for a mere 10 bucks (a black and white special edition) at the show. Fogler also chatted with us about the upcoming Moon Lake graphic novel which is based upon the Hysterical Psycho universe. He threw in a signed copy of the preview comic as well as an autographed one sheet poster. Three autographed pieces of merchandise from a very cool actor for 10 bucks... not bad!!! Check out this video where Fogler tells us a bit about Hysterical Psycho, Moon Lake, and being in the Star Wars geek-umentary FanBoys. He is talking to my son Mikey about Empire Strikes Back in the clip...



You can check out the Hysterical Psycho website by clicking here, and you can pre order the Moon Lake graphic novel on Amazon by clicking here. Be on the lookout for Fogler playing one of the greatest comedians of all time, Sam Kinison, in the upcoming HBO biopic "Brother Sam". Very cool dude, thanks for the interview Dan!!!

Here Comes The Big Apple Comic Con...

Its that time of year again... it's time for the Big Apple Comic Con to invade NYC!!! The convention is taking place at Penn Plaza Pavilion in Manhattan on Friday October 1st through Sunday October 3rd. There are some phenomenal guests attending this year including: The "Six Million Dollar Man" Lee Majors, Dan Fogler from the movies FanBoys and Balls of Fury, Doug Jones from the movies Hellboy and The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Julia Jones from the movie Twilight: Eclipse, Jake "Anakin" Llyod & Ahmed "Jar Jar Binks" Best from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Mary McDonnell from Battlestar Galatica and Donnie Darko, and The Brady Bunch Boys (all three)... and that's just the start of it.

Headlining the show, the O.G. Dynamic Duo, The bringers of the Boom and Zap filled smackdowns, The original small screen Dark Knight and Boy Wonder.... Adam West and Burt Ward, Batman & Robin!!!

There are tons more of special guests... and not to mention all the comic book merchandise and memorabilia you can handle!!! Click here to go to the Big Apple Comic Con homepage and order your tickets in advance for a discount. Hurry up, before they are sold out. I'll see you there...