The Oscars Sucked Balls... But Sacha Baron Cohen Gets The Last Laugh!!!

The Oscars were soooo boring last night that I actually fell asleep... and I do not mean that figuratively! I literally passed out a bit after Octavia Spencer won her Best supporting Actress award and woke up right before The Artist won Best Picture. For those of you keeping score, that means the Oscar broadcast put me in a coma for approximetly  2 hours. I am no expert, but I DO NOT think that the goal of the show is to induce sleep in it's viewers... but I digress. The show is a mess, and even though I swore I wouldn't watch it  I was right there up until I passed out. For a movie lover like me, this is disheartening. Someone like me should be looking forward to the Oscars, but with the slights of epic movies/acting performances (Drive, Bridesmaids, The Muppets, Tin Tin, Harry Potter VII and Ryan Gosling all caught multiple hoses in the nomination process) and the lame ass actual show I am no longer anticipating the show anymore. But leave it to Sacha Baron Cohen to semi save the night and make it something more than a total loss. Click after the jump for what Cohen did on the Red Carpet that most people didn't even see...

We Live Blogged The Oscars On Facebook... Yes We Did!!!

Last night both Jeff Bond and myself logged into the Mike CCD Facebook page and live-blogged the shit out of the Oscars. We were joined by CCD contributors Joey Esq & Kristen Grillo. In case you missed the literally hundreds of comments we posted, here are a few highlights.

Mike D's Best Lines:

1. Ok Halle Berry, enough of all the Lena Horne talk... just go all Swordfish and show us them titties!!!
2. Glad they showed Leslie Nielson as Enrico Palatzzo in the montage.
3. Holy shit... someone do Mr. Douglas a favor and cut off the flow of gaseous hydrogen that is keeping him cryogenically frozen in an upright position.... god!!!
4. Bob Hope with the Jew/Hollywood joke for the win...
5. I hope Banksy wins and comes up on stage to spray paint Oprah's face while wearing a monkey mask.
6. Did that black dude just say Lose Yourself from 8 Mile was his movie song ever? Get the fuck outta here....
7. The lady accepting the costume award for Alice In Wonderland is wearing Jerking Off gloves... no need to wipe off the hands when you are wearing those puppies.
8. Inception sweeps the sound category "Brahmmmmmm"... why are all these guys sucking off Chris Nolan so bad "Brahhhhhhhhmmmmmm"... They did there own job, they deserve their own credit "BRAHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM"
9. Trent Reznor sold out... he ain't fucking anybody like an animal anymore...he is walking the line now.
10. Mila Kunis should have made a short film called "How to Train Your Lesbian Ballerina Partner" with subtitles from when she goes down on Portman... Just saying
11. Just wish that one of these winners would come out and be like "To all you other nominees... suck it, we the best, all we do is win, win, win, win, win (DJ Khaled voice)"
12. Melissa Leo just channeled a bit of Jacke from 227 at the end of her speech... wtf???

And now Jeff Bond:

1. Mila-kun this, please!!!
2. Wait a minute ....Isn't Kirk Douglas dead?!
3. Fister? I hardly know her!
4. Hope Anne Hathaway never winds up looking like her mom.
5. Fully grown? You said it Mila.
6. A sea urchin is eating Cate Blanchett
7. HBC is starting to look like her dog, Tim Burton.
8. We love us some Randy Newman. When did he get Downe Syndrome?
9. Ah, the death toll up next!
10. Hillary Swank is all teeth.
11. Whoa! Jennifer Lawrence. Good Googily Moogily.
12. From the Onion: "Stay tuned for the official Republican rebuttal to the #Oscars shortly after the show"

And some of Joe & KMG's highlights:

Joe:

1. Umm Sandra, Jesse Eisenberg didn't ACTUALLY invent Facebook.
2. Wrap it up, Padme.
3. Annette Benning is sporting the ill Paulie D blowout!
4. I'm legitimately confused... Lena Horne paved the way for black performers how? She looks pretty white to me.
5. What are the odds Kirk Douglas will have been added to that list (the dead actors list) by the time they get back from commercial?
6. You named your daughter Bronty? Is she real fat?
7. Looks like they found a dress to force some of Oprah's belly fat up into her bust. Ugh.
8. Wheeeee! Autotune jokes! Its 2008!
9. YOU APPLAUD WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THE NAME GEORGE LUCAS YOU HOLLYWOOD MONKEYS!
10. I didn't hear anything McConahoweveryouspellit said over the SOUND of Scarlett Johansen's sexiness. MING!
11. Know who loses the achievement in costume design award? Whoever dressed Ms. Blanchett.
12. Kirk Douglas can't even speak and he's killing.

And Kristen:

1. Who dat? James Blunt? (Talking about the director of The King's Speech Tom Hooper)
2. I think her water just broke.
3. Is James Franco dying as the night goes on?
4. Oprah??!! The fuck you doin' here lady! The color purple was 27 years ago!
5. Spaceyyyyyy! You so crasey!
6. Look at Reese and her strong chin!
7. Josh Brolin: YOU GOONIE!!!
8. Melissa Leo: giving her best performance of her career right now!
9. Spit it out you old bastard! (talking to Kirk Douglas)
10. Hugh Jackman: My uterus is your lair.
11. Keith Urban.....you tiny!
12. Damn, I look good in the future. (Talking about her look-alike, Sandra Bullock)

Great fun... check us out on Facebook by clicking here. Love you guys!!!! Mad fun, looking forward to doing it LIVE next year (good call KMG, next year we make history!!!!)

CCD Jacks The Oscars - Year 2: Mike D's Oscar Picks

Another year in film has come and gone and, my, what a year it's been. The Academy Awards air live this Sunday February 27th and a lot of us will be front and center for all the action!

While my addiction to movies (via Netflix Instant or in the theater) is well documented on this blog, it should come as no surprise that I take the Oscars quite seriously. Why you ask? Because I know that they are a 50/50 representation of everything I love about film. They represent 50% of whats right with making films, and 50% of what sucks about the film making industry. Excellent films like 'Winter's Bone' (this year) and 'Frozen River' (2 years ago) would never be known to the public at all if not for the Oscar nods they got. Would 'The King's Speech really have made over $100 million if it wasn't Oscars darling this season? I think not. But it's not all roses. The Oscars also represent the conformity that is required in Hollywood to get the nominations, let alone win an Oscar. Honestly, how can you snub Chris Nolan for 'Best Director', or never nominate a horror film for any awards despite how wildly popular they are (check the numbers... horror makes bank, son). I have seen all 10 of this years 'Best Film' nominees, and frankly the only one I can see myself constantly revisiting would be 'Inception' and 'True Grit'. That's not to say I didn't like the others... I just didn't LOVE them. I saw plenty of other films this year that I did love (um... Scott Pilgrim anyone?), yet they are missing. So it goes.

 Anyways, here are my pics for the 2011 Oscars. CCD jacks the show once again. Hope you enjoy the picks, and the awesome fan art that I took from over at Reelizer. It completes the deal. Enjoy!!!

***Please click 'Read more' below to see Mike D's 2011 Oscar Picks***

C-C-D Jacks The Oscars... Now Here Are Our Results!!!

It was a big night for Kathryn Bigelow and her movie The Hurt Locker. Last night the film took home 6 Oscars, most notably Best Picture and Best Director. This was the first time a woman won the Best Director award, and I'm pretty sure the first time someone beat out their former spouse for the gold statuette. Sorry James Cameron, guess you will have to dry your eyes on some of the 2 billion plus dollars that Avatar has mae so far... boo hoo. Now lets get to the results of our MikeyJack awards, our staffs picks for the Oscars this year.

Kate Jones - Reality Check writer

Kate started out strong, successfully picking Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor. The she faulted when it came to Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Director. But in a twist, she did name the correct winner in those 3 categories when she gave her opinion on who would win the award. So Kate's final numbers are:

3/6 with 3 secondary correct picks

James West - The Comics Pull List writer

James is our resedential young buck here at C-C-D, and judging from his results... he should pay better attention to the guys and gals with some more experience... just kidding. The kid knows comics, but he knows movies as well, he just had a bad showing last night. Mr. West scored victories in the Best Actor and Best Director category, but failed in the other 4 categories. Only once did he correctly pick a secondary winner. So James's final numbers are:

2/6 with 1 secondary pick

Jeff "Dr. Dharma" Bond - Lost Re-capper Extrordinaire

Jeff is the guy who keeps all of us in the loop when it comes to that crazy show on TV known as Lost. He is the one who brings up the good points and keeps us guessing a what the fuck is really going on back at the island. Jeff is also quite the movie buff, and made the Oscar show even more fun with our ongoing Facebook banter about the stars. Unfortunately, that did not turn in such good results for him last night. I'm kinda scared to pop shit cause he might send Smokey over to my house to start wrecking shit... but I digress. Jeff successfully picked the Best Supporting Actor and Supporting Actress winners, but failed on the other four categories. He did manage two secondary picks in the Best Actor and Actress categories. Jeff's final numbers are:

2/6 with 2 secondary picks

Mr. Mike D - Editor and Writer

I consider myself to be a huge movie fan, and the Oscars are my favorite award show to watch all year. I really liked this years nominees, and I thought I made some good picks. The categories were tough, but overall I think I did ok. I picked the winners in Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Actress. But even though I missed out on three, I picked up all three secondary picks. So, I really should have went with my gut a bit more. So here goes my final tally:

3/6 with 3 secondary picks

So this years winners of the C-C-D Jacks The Oscars MikeyJack Awards are:

Mr. Mike D. and Kate Jones!!!!!!!

I also wanna give a shout out to one of our followers, Jess, for her picks. She went 2/6 with 3 secondary picks. Thanks for participating. Hope you guys enjoyed the competition... see you next year!!!

C-C-D Jacks The Oscars... The Academy Don't Have Nothing On Us!!!!

Tonight, for the 82nd time the Academy of the Arts and Sciences will hold the Academy Awards at The Kodak Theater in Los Angeles. For the last 2 months, everyone who is anyone has weighed in on the Oscar race. They all have their opinions, and usually they are always wrong. The Academy are a wierd bunch of individuals, and their decisions are often a bit off the reservation. However, there is no greater honor in all of media that can be bestowed on a artist. The Oscars are the original awards show, being around the longest out of the seemingly 100's of other award shows that come and go. I'm sure all of the other awards are meaningful to the recipients, but nothing compares to even being NOMINATED for an Academy Award. Did you ever notice that after someone is nominated or wins a Oscar, they are forever known as "Academy Award Nominee or Academy Award Winner" such and such. Its a title that you have forever. These little gold statues really are a game changer... like Ron Burgundy, they are sort of a big deal.

With that being said, some of my fellow collaborators at C-C-D have decided to jack the Academy Awards and give out our own versions of the awards... we will call them MikeyJacks in honor of the two little guys in my life, my son Mikey and Tara's godson Jack. We will weigh in on all the major categories, and then we will say who we think will win, and then who we think the Academy will pick. Tommorow we will recap the results and see who has the best predictions. It really isn't about being wrong or right, it's about presenting the people you think deserve the honor with the award they might get snubbed for tonight. I can't wait to see Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin hosting the awards tonight. But enough of the highbrow nonsense associated with the Academy Awards... let the jack move begin!!! With no further avail, lets get into the 1st annual MikeyJack Awards at C-C-D.com. Lets get it popping people!!!!

Up first, my sister from another mother, Reality Check writer Kate Jones.

Best Picture:

Should Win: The Hurt Locker

Will Win: The Hurt Locker

*** But, I would love it if District 9 won....

Best Actor:

Should Win: Jeff Bridges

Will Win: George Clloney

Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Christoph Waltz

Will Win: Woody Harrelson

Best Actress:

Should Win: Meryll Streep

Will Win: Sandra Bullock

Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Maggie Gyllenhal

Will Win: Mo'Nique

Best Director:

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino

Will Win: Kathrine Bigelow

Next up, we have the picks of The Pull List writer... dun dun dun dun... James " Superman" West

Best Picture:

Should Win: Avatar
Will Win: Avatar


Best Actor:

Should Win: Jeremy Renner
Will Win: George Clooney







Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Woody Harrelson
Will Win: Matt Damon

Best Actress:

Should Win: Sandra Bullock
Will Win: Meryll Streep

Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Anyone thats not Mo'Nique
Will Win: Mo'Nique

Best Director:

Should Win: Katherine Bigelow
Will Win: James Cameron

Next, we have everybodies favorite Dharma scientist, Lost Re-capper Extraordinaire Dr. Jeff Bond

Best Picture:

Should Win: Avatar
Will Win: Avatar

Best Actor:

Should Win: Colin Firth
Will Win: Jeff Bridges

Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Chistoph Waltz
Will Win: Christoph Waltz




Best Actress:

Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe
Will Win: Sandra Bullock

Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Mo'Nique
Will Win: Mo'Nique

Best Director:

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino
Will Win: James Cameron

And last but not least, the moment has arrived... the picks of the one, the only J. Jonah Jameson of C-C-D, editor, writer, and all around good guy Mr. Mike D ( I wrote this, so I'm bragging a bit. Sue me... if you don't like it, start your own damn blog!!!)

Best Picture:


Should Win: The Hurt Locker
Will Win: Avatar

Best Actor:

Should Win: George Clooney
Will Win: Jeff Bridges

Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Chistoph Waltz
Will Win: Christoph Waltz
*** Woody was the man in The Messenger. Excellent!

Best Actress:

Should Win: Sandra Bullock
Will Win: Gabourey Sidibe


Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Vera Farmiga
Will Win: Mo'Nique

Best Director:

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino
Will Win: Katherine Bigelow

So there you go... who are your picks for the 1st annual MikeyJack awards??? Please post them in the comments below...and tune in tonight at 8pm on Channel 7. (Sorry Cablevision customers...no channel 7 for you). Good luck to all the people nominated and congrats to all the winners in advance. Tune in tommorow for the results and which one of us got it the most right.