Takin' You Back... Way Back Vol. 4 by Joe Esq

Hiya kids, it’s time for another installment of Takin’ You Back… Way Back with your humble host, The Deity of All Things 80’s, JoeyEsq (I’m gonna get that nickname over or die trying). Anyway, I had a theme in the last article (which you can see here) and that got a nice bit of conversation going, so I decided to do a theme in this one too. Only this time around I’m gonna talk about a bunch of toys that happen to be my personal favorites. With the exception of the first entry, the four toy lines I’m gonna talk about today have a special place in the heart of my inner child for one reason or another, which I will discuss below. So don’t just sit there, hit that jump break and check it out!

GOLDEN GIRL AND THE GUARDIANS OF THE GEMSTONES (Galoob, 1985): This line of toys is the exception to today’s theme, but I’m including it because I had actually researched it for the last article, see I was always under the assumption that Golden Girl was just a cheap attempt by Galoob to cash in on She-Ra’s popularity. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I found out that Golden Girl actually beat She-Ra to the toy store shelves by something like 8 months. This toy line was an attempt by Galoob to cash in on the elusive (and some argue non-existent) girl’s action figure market. For some reason I was also under the impression that Golden Girl started out as a proposal for a toy line based on Wonder Woman, but as it turns out I was wrong there too (I was thinking of something else, which turned out to be an unproduced toy line from the early 90’s). Which just goes to show that my memory for obscure 80’s girl’s toys is not as detailed or comprehensive as it is for the boys stuff… which is probably a very good thing.

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Takin' It Back... Way Back!!! With Joey Esq

Hey kids, its time for another installment of Takin’ it Back... Way, Back with your Deity of all things 80’s, JoeyESQ (that’s me). Which means its time once again to talk about more of the forgotten toy lines of that particular decade. As I discussed last time , I’ve always felt that the 80’s were the “golden age” of boys toys, especially compared today when everything on the Toys R Us shelves is unoriginal, derivative, uninspired and boring. Speaking of which, remember when TRU was set up like a real store, and not some OCD obstacle course? I miss aisle 7C. Anyway, let’s get started...

THE SAGA OF CRYSTAR: Released by Remco in late 1982, Crystar, along with Mantech (which I discussed in the last article) were among the first action figures I can remember owning. I have semi-vivid half memories of Christmas 1982 and being almost 4 years old and getting a bunch of Crystar stuff that year. The entire line consisted of only 7 figures, a few vehicles and a playset. Looking at pictures on the ‘net the only ones I didn’t have were the Crystal Dragon, the Castle and the two Shatterpults (which is a cool fuckin name for a vehicle, I must say). I still have the Lava Dragon in fact, as it ended up in my He-Man box long after the Crystar toys were lost or thrown away. Now that I think about it, that might be the toy I’ve owned longer than any other.

Unfortunately, just like Mantech, Crystar didn’t have a cartoon or movie to support it, and just like Mantech it was crushed by the absolute dominance of Star Wars and He-Man, and there was never a second wave of figures beyond the initial release. Marvel Comics did release a 12 issue mini-series, and from what I read about it, the storyline did seem pretty original. I couldn’t even find anything Crystar related on Youtube (I KNOW there was a commercial because I can still hear it in my head), which definitely speaks to how obscure Crystar really is, because lets face it, EVERYTHING is on Youtube.

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Commercially Acclaimed Volume #3 - 80's Toy Commercials pt. 1

TV commercials are a part of our everyday lives as TV viewers. Even though Tivo and DVR have allowed us to "skip through" the commercials, the advertising companies a still trying to peak our interests by coming up with creative commercials. To me, great commercials are an art form and are under appreciated by a society that is always trying to speed through things. Think about it... how many times did you see a great commercial that made you laugh hysterically or want to go out and purchase the advertised product??? And how many times has the best part of the Super Bowl been the commercials during a blow out game??? Whether you want to admit it or not, commercials are cool as shit... and here are some of my favorites.

80's Toy Commercials: As a child of the 80's, and iintricate part of my TV watching experience was the commercials for the toys that were on the market. Saturday morning cartoons + toy ads = 1 happy Mr. Mike D!!! These are just a few of the ones that I remember... they still stick out in my head all these years later. They might not be the most popular, but they are my favorite. Tell me what 80's Toy TV commercials were your favorites in the comment section below. Enjoy!!!

He- Man & The Masters of the Universe: Slime Pit Playset

Mad Scientist Monster Lab

M.U.S.C.L.E Men